Guest Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 Anyone got any ideas for how to deal with the most miserable lot of parents you've ever met in your life? I'm usually good with parents - spending a lot of time with them, reassuring them etc but this year nothing makes them happy and I've got a few who just seem determined to hate everything and spread trouble in the playground. This is quite bizarre really as a lot of them have come from outside the immediate area of the school (a village one) because of our good Ofsted in which Reception was praised. Sometimes I feel that they are waiting for me to perform an outstanding trick - rather like a performing seal! Perhaps that is the way forward . I have 2 parents' evening next week and another one after half-term. I'm not sure whether to leave their attitude until then or tackle it before (the worst offender isn't coming until after half-term). I also need a better approach than thrusting my face in theirs, clenching my fists and spitting, 'What, exactly, is your problem?'. Ho hum! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 How about a play afternoon when they can come in and work/play alongside their child? Depends on the size of room and how many children there are. At least it might give them something else to talk about! This happened once at another school I worked at. The teacher went straight for the jugular and had them in one at a time asking if they had a problem with anything, she also told them that if they wanted to help in the school then it was important not to gossip outside. worth a try. good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_79 Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 oh Moose, big hugs are all I can offer. Parents can be a real problem, cant they but you do I suppose have the opportunity to tackle this at your parents evening assuming that you know what the problems are? Will your head support you in talking to them perhaps? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tinkerbell Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 Sorry you are having a bad time with a few parents Moose.We always have some negative comments on our parent questionnaires ,mainly 'that the school doesn't inform parents enough on their childs progress' yet like you I am out first thing am and at the door at the endof the day,we have parents evenings,open afternoons,weekly newsletters,assemblies etc etc You will never please everyone ,what is their main gripe? Tinkerbellx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_4177 Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 So that's where last years parents went!! Sorry Moose, I do empathise with you, some parents just always seem to be able to turn a positive into a negative (as do some staff, but that's another story). Big hug. Posy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2007 Share Posted October 14, 2007 As a staff the teachers at my school all go out onto the playground for the 10 mins before school starts. This is usually a chance to chat to parents or if they want to chat to us they can. BUT you could infiltrate the problem group and just hover so that they can't bad mouth anyone/anything!!?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_79 Posted October 14, 2007 Share Posted October 14, 2007 At a school I recently worked at, the doors were opened 10 minutes before the start of the school day to allow children in and to encourage parents to be more punctual. It also gave us a bit of time to talk to parents at the start of the day until those 10 minutes became incorporated into the school day too. It didnt help the punctuality issues either! However, it did tend to stop the congregating together of the parents to chat in the playground. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2007 Share Posted October 14, 2007 We are having a bit of an issue with gossiping ex members of our setting at present. This year, for some reason we haven't got to the bottom of yet ,3 parents decided that their daughters should go to an additional preschool in the same community. 2 have since withdrawn from ours having been happily settled for most of last year. They say 'all their friends are there' and 'she doesnt want to come have here now' The latter is most damaging when repeated in the playground. Add to that 2 parents from a couple of years ago in the same playground clique who have apparently been telling others how unhappy their sons were with us (completely ignoring their very happy elder children). Its all having a bit of a snowball effect. We find people saying things like 'I wonder why A have spaces available when B are full' _ well yes but we plan to have space available to accommodate those moving into the area etc ' B is so much cosier than A - yes it is but we have 4 times as much space Its all just ill informed gossip but it can be damaging and we do not know how to counter it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2007 Share Posted October 14, 2007 Thanks for all your replies, advice and kind wishes. I'm glad it's not only me. I have, actually, banned parents from the classroom in the morning. Before you all suck in your breath and say, 'No wonder she's having problems then...' let me explain. I have an atrium bit attached to my classroom and found that some of the later parents (I have a lonnngggg stagger) were piling in and upsetting the children's early morning routine which they are 'trained up' to do. I just looked at some of their little faces and saw how distressed they were having to try and do what they knew they were meant to be doing whilst trying to negotiate a load of, often unfamiliar, adults standing around having a chat or having to explain to their own grown-up what they were meant to be doing - far easier to just do it than have each step queried. I did this in, what I think was, a nice way: explaining that some of the children were distressed, settling down was taking about half-an-hour rather than ten minutes etc. I am always available on the door in the morning and go out into my 'front yard' bit when the children are picked up. I have also said how I love to have parents come in and help in the class and said please feel free to come in and pick up a CRB form. I totally agree with Whitetree - people are like sheep and once someone starts bleating others pick up on it. My worst bleater started on the other day about the reading books not being challenging enough (we haven't started phonics yet and the children are currently free to choose whatever book they want to take home to compliment their own books) and then two others started. Unfortunately I wasn't there that day. I have a final year teaching student and so it was left to my TA to explain that these books aren't about the children reading independently but rather to get them used to sharing a book from school at home, talking about the pictures, enjoyment, autonomy etc. The main bleater then went stomping off to the office to get a CRB form and upset the secretary with her rudeness. I don't think the fact that I have a student is helping matters but I still think they'd be moaning whatever. Although I've said that they're welcome to come in and help in the class it'll be a cold day in hell before I'll let that woman in when my student is teaching. Can you imagine it? The student would be in tears and I might be in jail! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2007 Share Posted October 14, 2007 Just read that all back through and I sound really heartless - I'm not really I don't think. Parents have, previously, always said how welcome I make them feel and how they feel informed etc about how their children are getting on. I also invite parents in when they pick up their children to look at work etc. It just feels really difficult and hard work this year and this is reflected in what the children are like as a group. I'm worried now that you'll all think I'm horrible - God my paranoia's showing now isn't it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_64 Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Moose, I don't think that you're heartless at all! Parents like this are so difficult to deal with. They have a tendency to feed off each others negative thoughts and it can be quite contagious if they become a big group. People tend to 'follow the herd' - it is just human nature. I think that it is important that you are strong as a team, so that you are all giving out the exact same message. Any sign of weakness and they will be in there, going straight for jugular!! Just remember that you are the teacher and you are doing a fantastic job. Don't become demoralised by people who haven't your expertise, just see it as an opportunity to re-educate them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_8466 Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Hear, hear Beau! Parents are a sorry lot on the whole. I remember when I took over my Brownie pack someone said to me "you'll be fine with the girls - its the parents you need to worry about!". True enough the only problems I've ever had have been with their mothers! Of course my parents at nursery are lovely Keep your chin up Moose: you'll get there in the end! Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Hi Moose Sounds like you're doing a great job. Don't let a sad minority undermine you. Just to pick up on the bit about reading books. I have changed books at my kids school for the last 3 years and I have noticed that some parents, although not all, can be quite demanding and even pushy. The children have reading record books which parents write comments in and sign. Some of them seem to think they are experts in reading schemes as they appear to think they know what their child should be reading. My other bug bear is the critial comments such as 'had this book already' or 'could someone please change this' ( comment from a Year 2 parent whose child had not told them that they change their own books in Year 2). It's hardly crime of the century to read a book more than once. I have loads of books I've read lots of times. At least you have a parent off to get CRB checked presumably so they can come in and help. Where I volunteer, many of the parents are quick to criticise but slow to offer their services. Keep smiling and remember, not all of us parents are so difficult!! Sally Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_79 Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 Hi moose, dont think youre horrid at all, rather realistic and caring actually. Im sure I was the parent from hell when my boys were small and maybe I still am! I worked with a teacher who I had previously known as my sons teacher and his comment was that I was much easier to work with as a colleague than as a parent! But my attitude was then and still is really that if I dont stick up/ look out for my children then who else will? So when I am working with a parent who is being difficult, for whatever reason, then I try and remember that and sometimes, not always, it helps put things into perspective. If it is your change of routine that is causing the problems you have done that for all the right reasons and the parents will get used to it eventually. Good luck with the parents evenings/consultations---I'm off to the one that promises to be the last in my capacity as parent tonight and that prospect feels really strange! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_3139 Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 I dont think I was an easy parent to get along with, like Susan I felt I had to fight my childrens corner and baring in mind some teachers were difficult I feel we balanced it out. But, I didnt gossip, just went straight to the teacher. Some parents need to complain openly to give themselves status in the playground. They have very little else to do and this way they can be assured of a group surrounding them. I once had a couple of parents, one was a committee member who thought she ran the place, saying things which were totally wrong, so I put out a questionaire to all parents asking what their thoughts were of various areas of the provision. I read the answers and put out a letter which covered all the main points and explained why, what, who. I even had some parents come to me afterwards who were surprised at some of the issues I'd had to address. Hopefully, this time next year you'll have a completely different set who are warm, caring, understanding and polite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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