Advice Needed Urgently

[Guest]

A parent came to see me today and claimed that her child has changed from 'an angel' into a 'naughty little boy' since he started school and I am to blame apparantly I dont teach them please and thank you, instead teach them to lie, snatch, hit, cheat, and wet themselves!!

 

After chatting this through with the head and deputy I was albe to laugh but I still feel very hurt. This of course is not true and I do insist on please and thank you.

 

My opinon is that the child is very much attention seeking, rude, and cannot cope socially with other children.

 

Any ideas on how I deal with this kind of parent attitude and the childs on Monday morning?

 

Please .......

 

Thankyou

 

KAte

[AnonyMouse_2732]

Oh Kate,

My heart goes out to you...Wish I knew the answer!

Just carry on being you and doing your job is all I can offer at the moment. Will think a bit, because we've a similar thing where I am. Keep smiling!!

 

Sue

[Guest]

i had a similar experience when a child in my reception class swore repeatedly at other childeren. When I spoke to her parent she turned to me and stated "It's school she's leant all this form bec we F****don't swear at home!!! I wonder if she even heard herself when she made that statement.

[AnonyMouse_79]

oh, Katielou how awful.

I'm glad the head & deputy are behind you that is important.

 

They should speak to the mother herself, and if she approaches you again you must summon them or refer her to them.

Be yourself and be polite, be pleasant, so she has no grounds for complaint.

 

Only a few more weeks to the end of the year and he'll be with a new teacher?

 

Good luck & keep smiling.

[AnonyMouse_73]

Hi there katielou, I can imagine how you must have felt, especcilly if the mum spoke with aggrsession or anger.

I would agree with Susan that you may need to ask te Head to speak to the parent themselves, putting it in the form of........do they have a complaint,....what is the basis of their complaint...what evidence do they have...etc. Your Head should be able to handle this sort of situation. It may well trun out that mum had a grumble about something completely different, or had had a bad day and you were the first target. Not very nice for you of course.

 

Has the mum ever talked to you before? Have you noticerd a change in the child's behaviour since he has been at school? Was mum referring to her own child lying, chrating ,wetting the bed etc, or an experience of other children doing that?

 

sorry lots of questions.

I would ask your Head or deputy to be there on arrival on Monday morning and speak to them. In my last school My Head had to write a written warnig to a parent for rude and offensive language in front of other children- she never did it again.

 

Try not to let it get you down over the weekend.

[AnonyMouse_2157]

hi Katielou

what a horrid experience and unfortunately one that many of use have probably shared!

Mundia's advise re getting the head to be there on Monday morning with you as you greet the children is a good idea as it shows unity and support and if the parent still has a gripes then senior management can deal with it; and if the head or deputy can't be there and the parent still is awkward politely refer her straight to the Head/deputy. You should't have to deal with that

Keep smiling it may not be what you feel like doing at the moment and it will probably stay with you all weekend, but it will pass. who knows... that parent may even have time to reflect on her own behaviour too and realise her mistakes! Miracles sometimes do happen!

Liza

[AnonyMouse_1027]

Hi

 

As Liza said many of us have experienced this problem.. you just have to keep your head high as you know you do a great job

[AnonyMouse_64]

Not a nice thing to happen Katielou.

 

If you know in your heart that it's not true, and you've recieved positive backing from the head and deputy, then all you can do is put it behind you and hold your head high. It may be that now she has had her say she won't mention it again. If she has genuine complaints about the school then she needs to speak to the head, not you.

 

Children change so much during their first year at school and I think many parents find it difficult to cope with. Shes probably feeling inadequate herself and has decided to lay the blame at your door instead. Being aggressive against someone else is a way of covering up your own insecurities.

[Guest]

Well, parents hey, who'd have them!!!

 

Sorry this is a little late in the day but did you reassure her about your firm but fair policy on behaviour mangement? Did you explain you were sorry to hear about it? (reflection)

I'm sure you did all of this, and sometimes you do just get parents that do not wish to help positively.

 

Even though it's no excuse sometimes parents can be venting out their frustrations on you. I'm not saying you have to take this sort of rubbish but try to be sympathetic to her needs and see if there is anyway that you could work together to resolve this matter.

 

She may be feeling that her 'little darling' is growing up into a boy and is not the baby she wants him to be. Whenever i think like this it usually manages to calm me down. This is quite a common emotion for parents to go through at this child's age.

 

Also, maybe after talking to her, you could invite her in to help, thus giving her an inside view of the school and its ethos.

 

Hope this helps.

But i think you sound like you are doing a good job, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered writing a post.

[AnonyMouse_64]

Katielou,

 

Just wondered how you got on yesterday?

[AnonyMouse_79]

Yes so am I. Hope everything has settled down.

dcechez has made some really good points, although that doesn't help you when you feel victimised I know. Try and hang to the fact that you both have the childs best interests at heart!