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Just Need To Let Off Steam!


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:oxD Just spoken to a friend on the telephone (who also works at my sons school in the office) she asked me how C..........was. I said fine just full of cold at the moment to which she replied "how's his leg", why i asked, "because he was upset today because .........and...........were kicking him! When I came off the phone I went to see him in bed and asked him to show me....he has a massive bruise on his shin. Oh yes forget to tell you about that mum (he is 11). After a little chat he then tells me that they are always doing it to him when the teacher isn't looking, and he just takes it and doesn't do anything about it.

 

I've always told him that fighting isn't the right thing to do and always tell someone...well i'm sorry to say this but I feel like getting hold of these 2 children myself and doing the same back to them....I'm so angry.....I'm feeling the pain for him.

 

I will be going straight into school to see his teacher tomorrow and hopefully hold myself together. I've got 3 children and never had to deal with this kind of thing before. How do I go into school all calm when inside I know I'm going to be at boiling point!

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How awful for you, mrsb: and for your poor lad.

 

It is hard to stick to one's principles of "fighting is bad" when its your child being victimised, and I doubt there are many parents who have ben where you are being caught on the horns of the dilemma of whether to tell their child to stand up for themselves physically when under attack. On the one hand you want to instill them with the value that violence is not the answer, but on the other you don't want them to become a target because the bullies know they won't fight back.

 

Hopefully by the morning you'll be able to go and calmly and assertively tell the teacher what has been going on and ask what they are going to do about it. If it helps, rehearse in the mirror but go in with a defined, identified outcome that you need to achieve from the meeting and stick to your guns. I often find that when I prepare myself for a fight about something, the other person agrees with me immediately and all my rehearsed strategies are not needed. Hopefully s/he will see that you mean business and will bend over backwards to sort things out.

 

In the meantime, I guess you and your son both need a bit of tlc - hope it all works out for you.

 

Maz

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The thing that strikes me is that your friend, who works in the school knew about your sons leg, so I would presume if she does then the teachers should too. However, they may not know that this is a more than one off incident.

 

I can feel your anger, I know that any mother would feel the same, the strength of the urge to protect can be overwhelming. I am sure that you will deal with this in your sons best interest, and the sooner it's 'bought out into the open' the better for all.

 

Ask the school what they will be doing about this, and how they can enable your son to feel able to communicate any concerns he may have in the future.

 

Hope your son feels better soon.

 

Peggy

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Just wanted to add my support for you, I have been in a similar position and it makes your blood boil doesn't it? :oxD

Hold your head up and do what you need to to sort the situation out, if you don't stand up for your children who will?

Being calm and strong always seems to work, you need to have a nice balance of sweetly smiling whilst the blood boils underneath the skin and hopefully whoever you speak to will see the inner anger that you are restraining and help resolve the situation. Good luck, give your son a big cuddle from all of us.!!

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I have to say should your friend have said it to you? I realise she is your friend but she is also employed by the school. This matter could have be dealt with already by the teacher. I'm not saying you shouldn't check it out now you do know about it but your friend has put the teacher in a difficult situation.Maybe recording what your child says diary fashion and seeing the teacher with a couple of incidents logged and arranging an offical appointment rather than trying to raise the issue at drop off/pick up time. If a member of my office staff did this to me I would be looking at confidentiality.

 

I was once tankled agressively at home time by another parent who claimed she had seen my child hit hers while they were walking crocodile fashion around the village.I went to see the teacher to check it out.The teacher was very cross and I didn't blame her.She said there had been an incident of 50-50 pushing in the line and both children had been handled according to the school behaviour policy.As far as she was concerned the matter had been dealt with appropriately and was not deemed serious enough to inform parents.I had to trust her professional judgement that it was handled fairly and told her that. However I did keep a watch on the relationship my child had with the other child.

 

My good friend is now retired from working at our school but is also a grandparent of a pupil.I am very careful of what I say re internal affairs of the school and details of her grandsons behaviour and achievement.

 

probably a controversial post

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I have to say should your friend have said it to you? I realise she is your friend but she is also employed by the school. This matter could have be dealt with already by the teacher. I'm not saying you shouldn't check it out now you do know about it but your friend has put the teacher in a difficult situation.Maybe recording what your child says diary fashion and seeing the teacher with a couple of incidents logged and arranging an offical appointment rather than trying to raise the issue at drop off/pick up time. If a member of my office staff did this to me I would be looking at confidentiality.

 

I was once tankled agressively at home time by another parent who claimed she had seen my child hit hers while they were walking crocodile fashion around the village.I went to see the teacher to check it out.The teacher was very cross and I didn't blame her.She said there had been an incident of 50-50 pushing in the line and both children had been handled according to the school behaviour policy.As far as she was concerned the matter had been dealt with appropriately and was not deemed serious enough to inform parents.I had to trust her professional judgement that it was handled fairly and told her that. However I did keep a watch on the relationship my child had with the other child.

 

My good friend is now retired from working at our school but is also a grandparent of a pupil.I am very careful of what I say re internal affairs of the school and details of her grandsons behaviour and achievement.

 

probably a controversial post

 

Hi biccy, this is not usually the way my friend deals with these kind of situations she is very aware of her role within the school and confidentiality. It just happened to be mentioned whilst we were talking about something else, it did happen just before christmas and then again in the week. I made an appointment with the teacher in the correct way and it was my son who told me everything really not my friend. It is a difficult situation because I'm kind of staff at the school also as the nursery I'm Supervisor at is connected to the school. So this teacher I spoke to today as a parent I was out eating and drinking with at Christmas time as a staff member!!

It was a calm and controlled talk and he was understanding and said he would keep his eye on things....seems to happen under the table in class.

Hopefully now things will calm down but I will keep my eye on things!

Thanks for everyones words of support.

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