Behaviour And Talking To Parents

[Guest]

Hi

 

I work at a pre-school with the older children, the other day a child in my room had been continually saying no when asked to do somwething and generally disruptive and encouraging the other children to be the same. The problem is that the girls mum also works at the pre-school but in the younger room. I had a word with her after the session and she put in a complaint about me to the Leader. Was I wrong? I let the behaviour go on for ages trying praise, etc it was a last ditch attempt.

[AnonyMouse_534]

Hi Julia

 

If you are the room leader I can not see a problem with having a quiet word with the mum. Maybe she is a little embarassed by the behaviour. It can be hard sometimes keeping personal and professional separate.

[Guest]

No julia you weren't wrong, but sometimes because people work with children its very hard to admit that your child is not the best and has behaviour problems the same as all children have from time to time. If the child belonged to another adult would you have had a word with them about her behaviour, if the answers yes then you didn't do wrong. The only things you maybe should have done was talk it through with you Leader that you were going to do it and have had her back up. also for the future sometime get some one elses opinion when you are dealling with staff children just so its not you against them so to speak. Maybe next time ask someone else to deal with the child's behaviour so again you are not on your own.

Saying that its not bad practise to get someone else to deal with disruptive behaviour so that you all have a go at dealing with it. sometimes children will respond to one adult differently than another adult. and the behaviour could stop especially if as adults your all on the same page. it also shows the child that all adults are consistant in their response.

 

What did your Leader do after the complaint. I hope she looked at the child's behaviour and back you up.

Was the mother annoyed because you had spoken to her or because of the behaviour?

2 different problems

Good luck

[Guest]

Well, the leader was rushing out and just said she had a phone call from the mum about it and said she will talk to me on Wednesday. Which is not very nice leaving me to guess. The reason for me not talking to her first is that she never listens and she will never approach a parent always passing it on to one of us, so I decided not to bother her. Thinking about it I should have let her know first. Thank you all for the support

[AnonyMouse_3735]

also say not wrong if you would have approached any other parent about the issues, i would also suggest you have observations and documented evidence that you have tried to manage the behaviour and what you have done to do this. Many parents would want to know if their child is disruptive and we often discuss this with the parent to give a consolidated way forward at the setting and at home if needed . But as a childcare worker she may not want to admit her child is having problems.

Better to say now than to be accused later of ignoring or not noticing a problem.

 

Perhaps a word with line manager first may have been useful, but when dealing with something it is not always the first thought , I often think of the child first and lines of management second!

 

Good luck

 

Inge

[Helen]

I certainly don't think you did anything wrong. If your manager doesn't deal with this effectively, then I'd ask for a meeting between you, the mum concerned, and the manager, and take some notes in, explaining the child's behaviour, what you've done about it, and ask for their advice and help in turning this behaviour around. If Mum thinks you want her help, rather than wanting to just complain (she's clearly a bit sensitive ) then you might just bring her on board. This all lies with your manager and how capable she is in dealing with delicate situations. Let us know what happens.

[Guest]

Hi - one of my colleagues is also a mum to a child who attends. Once my colleague started we had a frank discussion about staff involvement with behaviour etc and she agreed that all staff would deal with her child as though she was not there in line with how all other children were treated - we agreed we would explain to her any incidents away from the child so she was kept up to date. You were correct to tell mum and it is best practice to do so, as I am sure you speak to parents who do not work at your setting to keep them informed of their child's behaviour.

 

I am sure all will go well tomorrow - expect your colleague will realise you were correct in speaking to her, and your manager should be there supporting you -good luck !!

 

Dot

[Guest]

Thanks for the replies I will find out more tomorrow and let you all know. I just feel angry that the person in question had to go to the Leader instead of talking to me as I thought we were friends.