Guest Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Hi everyone, I will just bring you up to date with what has happened so far. The little girl began attending three full days a week and seems contented, coming in cheerfully every time. Her moods have been consistent ever since the start of term, although she cries when we begin to collect coats for the garden or when she has her nappies changed, more noticeable than beforehand. The Friday before last mum collected and she looked dreadful. It must have been a real struggle for her - and still with a lovely smile on her face. Last week the whole family dropped off and collected as mum had gone into a hospice and they were all there with her. At that point they had not mentioned anything to the daughter, although they were taking her straight to the hospice each afternoon. Today we were informed that mum died at the weekend. Tomorrow we will find out when the funeral is to be. Our current contact is dad's mother, who lives with the family and is very approachable, but suffering greatly too. We told her last week about the folder we have put together with details of support organisations and especially the Winston's Wish sheets. Thanks once again to you all for your help and support. Best wishes, Lesley
AnonyMouse_705 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 That is very sad news Lesley. Still a shock even though expected. You seem to be well prepared, and have support in place for this little girl and her family. No doubt others who have experienced a loss like this will be along shortly to offer their support. I wonder, do you have support systems in place within your setting to help you and your staff through this emotionally draining time? Take care. Deb
Guest Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 **thinking of you*** make sure you and your staff talk through things and support each other
Guest Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Hi, Thinking of you all at this very difficult time. Today I was watching "This Morning" (as I have hurt my leg and have to sit and rest) and they had a feature on childhood bereavement and spoke with a mum whose husband died unexpectedly and she has written a book about her thoughts and the things she found helpful. They said they would put a link to it on their website so this might be helpful for you all too. Make sure you find some space for you and your colleagues to talk about what has happened and to start to come to terms with this very sad news. It will take time and there will be days when those emotions hit you suddenly but be reassured that just by being your self and caring for that child you are helping and making one part of her day easier. Love and prayers to you all Nicky Sussex
Guest Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Hi again, Thanks for your replies. Today the little girl has now been told that her mummy has 'gone to live with the fairies'. The funeral is to be next week and she will not be attending. I have to say it is beginning to drag us all down a little. We are dealing well with the ongoing matters, but I have noticed everyone being slightly more touchy and sensitive over other issues. Generally, we all feel sad. We will be discussing it together in our weekly meeting tomorrow morning and I will see if we can have some further help as a team. Thanks again for your concern. Lesley
Guest Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 sad news and difficult times for you all. My daughter was 6 when my father-in-law died suddenly and her wise teacher and head teacher said how important it is that the child sees other people being sad or upset by the loss, as it helps them to express their own thoughts and feelings. So please don't try to put on a brave face! Nona
AnonyMouse_8466 Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 So please don't try to put on a brave face! I agree, Nona. We used to do a lot of damage to our children when loved ones died but were never ever referred to again, and feelings of sadness and loss went unexpressed and unacknowledged because we believed children should be spared from experiencing and witnessing such strong emotions. So sorry to hear this news Lesley - you're doing such a great job supporting this family but as others have said don't overlook your own needs for support through what is going to be a difficult time for everyone. Maz
Guest Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Like others I have found this topic sad to read, and in a sense I have felt overwhelmed when trying to think about the depth of emotions this family and you and your staff are going through. I have also, if I'm honest felt somewhat inspired (for want of a better descriptive word) by the warmth of other forum members carefully chosen words, their support and empathy, all being here, on the forum for each other, like a real family. I'd like to say how very well you have approached and are dealing with this situation, your consideration for everyone, the child, spouse, extended family and your staff, is admirable and commendable. As I read your sentence: We told her last week about the folder we have put together with details of support organisations and especially the Winston's Wish sheets.. I imagined how comforting this will be for the family, in future weeks as they live through their grief. Don't ever underestimate the value of such gestures from yourself and staff to this family, maybe in your staff chat, think about how the mere fact that this family have yourselves in a part of their life has helped immensley, take pride and strength from this knowledge to help you all lift the greyness and sadness and value the continuing positive impact you will have on this child and her families life in the near and distant future. A big hug to you all. Peggy
Guest Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Hi Peggy Thank you so much for your heartfelt and also greatly uplifting message. I agree, the warmth of feeling from all the messages I have received since my first post on this matter has been a wonderful support. Yes, it is a grey time, a very grey time for all and today at our staff meeting we all agreed it is going to be tougher still. I can see there is still reluctance among some of my colleagues to look at this matter face to face, something which I am finding hard as they look to me for leadership and guidance. I said today that we will all need support and comfort at different times and stages as the next few months pass by and as it happens, we are all going out for supper together next Tuesday after our parents' evening. It will be good to spend time together socially, away from the setting. Thanks for your concerns. All of you. I hope you all have a peaceful and relaxing weekend. Lesley
AnonyMouse_8466 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I can see there is still reluctance among some of my colleagues to look at this matter face to face, something which I am finding hard as they look to me for leadership and guidance. This is why support for the team is so important: there may be members of staff who still have unresolved feelings about a bereavement they have suffered, and these feelings can run extremely deep. It sounds to me as if you're doing a brilliant job, Lesley - they're lucky to have you at the helm! Maz
Guest Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Hi everyone, I thought you might like to read an article in today's Guardian entitled 'A big hug for Ellie'. Her grannie wrote a little note telling us to look out for it. In view of the fact that this matter is now in the big wide world, I thought those of you who had responded to this thread might find it interesting. I looked on the website and searched for it that way. Once again, thank you all for your contributions and good wishes, Lesley
AnonyMouse_14021 Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 A Big Hug For Ellie Just thought I'd post the link for anyone who wants to read it.
Guest Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 A beautiful and touching article, so well written - my sympathy to the family and to Ellie at this sad time.
AnonyMouse_705 Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 How sad for the whole family, and how brave of the mother. Who knows what the child is thinking, but in your setting you will be in a very good position to 'listen' to the child's thoughts in whatever way they show themselves. No doubt the professional support and normality you and your setting provide will have contributed to her current relative well-being. Take care
AnonyMouse_19920 Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 what a beautiful article- i lost my mum just over a year ago and it made me cry so much - losing your mum no matter what your age leaves a huge gap in your life - obviously it is a lot harder for children especially as it is through illness or accident but i thought the article was amazing.
AnonyMouse_11548 Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 i sobbed while reading that. bless her and her family. i'm sure she is very lucky to have you in her life x
Guest Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I had a little boy in my nursery class 3 years ago who lost his mum. She was so brave and only 25 and I remember the day she told me she only had weeks to live. She asked for a meeting with me after the nursery session was over. She was totally focussed on how I was to help her little boy when she had gone to carry on as normally as he could. She wanted me and the other nursery staff to be there to help her son comes to term with his loss but to try and treat him as we would any other child in nursery. She was also very keen to ensure that her 18 month old daughter could also have a place in the nursery when she was old enough (they were out of catchment) which the head teacher agreed to immediately. The little boy never mentioned his mum to me although came to me for a hug more than he ever used to. I can't offer any more advice than what's already been said but I am thinking about you and the family at this terribly sad time, mrsW.
AnonyMouse_64 Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 They sound like a lovely family. What an awful tragedy but they're dealing with it in an amazingly thoughtful way. Thanks for sharing it with us too.
Guest Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 What a well written, poignant article, although she asks "What is Ellie thinking" she has shown an insight to a child's thoughts and perspective. I have certainly learnt from it and in these times of 'judgment' over Jade Goody's actions of including the media in her cancer struggle, I think it really shows the role of Jade, as a mother, trying her best to 'provide' for her soon to be motherless children. Thanks for sharing and continued supportive thoughts to you and your staff team. Peggy
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