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I Thought This Was Very Funny


AnonyMouse_2127

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How about this one (with apologies for the body part nicknames - please don't be offended). I should also point out that I didn't write it! :o

 

Maz

 

Ode to Mammograms

 

For years and years they told me, be careful of your breasts.

Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, and give them monthly tests.

 

So I heeded all their warnings, and protected them by law.

Guarded them very carefully, and I always wore my bra.

 

After 30 years of astute care, my Genoa, Dr. Pruitt,

Said I should get a Mammogram - O.K," I said, "let's do it."

 

Stand up here real close" she said, she got my boob in line,

And tell me when it hurts," she said, "Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

 

She stepped upon a pedal, I could not believe my eyes!

A plastic plate came slamming down, My hooter's in a vise!

 

My skin was stretched and mangled, from underneath my chin.

My poor boob was being squashed, to Swedish Pancake thin.

 

Excruciating pain I felt, within it's vise-like grip.

A prisoner in this vicious thing, my poor defenseless tit!

 

"Take a deep breath" she said to me, who does she think she's kidding?!?

My chest is mashed in her machine, and woozy I am getting.

 

There, that's good," I heard her say, (the room was slowly swaying.)

Now, let's have a go at the other one." have mercy, I was praying.

 

It squeezed me from both up and down, it squeezed me from both sides.

I'll bet SHE'S never had this done, to HER tender little hide.

 

Next time that they make me do this, I will request a blindfold.

I have no wish to see again, my knockers getting steam rolled.

 

If I had no problem when I came in, I surely have one now.

If there had been a cyst in there, it would have gone "ker-pow!"

 

This machine was created by a man, of this, I have no doubt.

I'd like to stick his balls in there, and see how THEY come out!

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Can I just inject a bit of seriousness here though?

 

Jade Goody's much publicised terminal diagnosis has apparently seen the uptake of invitations to attend for routine smear tests soar, and we are all aware of how important it is to examine our breasts (and if we weren't before, the lovely narnia is apt to remind us!). I saw this ad on facebook and wondered what you all think of it?

 

The breast light claims to enable you to see inside the breast so that you can spot any changes visually as well as by touch. Has anyone seen it/got it or got a view on it? There's a video of it being discussed on This Morning with a great punchline delivered by Fern as only she could...

 

Maz

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I told my mum about the glitter 'incident' at the smear test. Mum told me a similar story about someone who had inadvertently got a Green Shield stamp (olden days) stuck on her bits - apparently she was wearing new knickers and the stamps had been in the bag. The doctor apparently said "goodness, they give stamps away with all sorts of things nowadays don't they?!"

 

made me chuckle

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You can never have enough bling.....sparkles are so pretty xD

 

When I went for my first ever smear the nurse was a bit rough somehow and so when I went the next time I asked my doctor who was a lovely man to do it. No problem he said and popped out to get a sterilized speculum.....only problem was it was fresh out the steriliser and really really hot.....as he was trying to insert it I was edging further and further up the bed!!!!! I now have sympathy with cows when they are being branded :(:o

 

It's great being a girl sometimes eh!

 

Sue

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