Problematic Parents

[AnonyMouse_3735]

I am sure you are doing this but all I can add is document, every little thing,

write it all, down,

get staff to write a statement on what happened regarding the dads behaviour and reaction. witness statements help if this goes further. From experience you may need it if they go to Ofsted.

 

tell your ey dept about your issues too so they can support you if needed. and Ofsted too. We did and they did nothing until the parent contacted them.

 

for every little thing fill in complaint forms, get parents to sign them , show you take it all very seriously ,

have meeting with the parents, but ensure all you do you are never alone with them , have someone with you , or in earshot, so you have support and again witnesses to what you are doing. This we found very important when needing to show what you did, also document any meeting and get all present to sign it.. that way no one can dispute what happened afterwards.

 

I had one parent who shouted at me, and because I did not react or defend or interact she just got worse and worse, but it was in full view of others including parents who actually wrote statements for me as well, this was helpful when she took if further. and she did not remove her child, kept him with us, which actually went against them when it was investigated, as the comment was if we were that bad why was the child still coming?

 

I know this sounds all over the top but I found that documenting it all really helped for all, and was worthwhile .

 

remain calm at all times, and do not react , no matter how much you want to.

 

good luck , this may take a while to resolve ..

Inge

[AnonyMouse_2995]

Dear all,

 

Mum decided to pull her child out, she came in today and stated that she is pulling her out because of neglect, can you imagine, i am so furious, and told her that Neglect is a strong word, they are just trying i thing to pull a fast one after Dad's appalling behaviour.

 

Thanks for your invaluable advise, i have told all staff to write in a report regarding past and present incidents with these parents. We do keep a compliment/complaint file with actions.

 

Thanks.

[AnonyMouse_3735]

Can I suggest you now have to call Ofsted and safeguarding and LA etc.. as this is a very serious accusation and should they complain further you will need to have reported it first...

 

we had a similar thing happen while I was running a setting, and the word neglect rings alarm bells for me..

 

i was lucky in as far as without realising it I did all the right things, by calling Ofsted etc.

 

you must have a procedure for accusation against a staff member and I would suggest you put this into operation as soon as you can.

 

We had the parent complain to safeguarding and Ofsted after they had removed their child (this was a different one to the ranting and other one! I think I attracted them) we had visits and lots of investigations about us and out policies and procedures, and what had happened.. all a bit of a nightmare, but we had done all right, documented , complaint forms etc all in place and investigation showed nothing to uphold.

 

I really don't want to panic you but do feel you need to follow your accusation against staff policy.

 

Inge

[AnonyMouse_8466]

I really don't want to panic you but do feel you need to follow your accusation against staff policy.

Was the allegation of neglect made against the nursery in general or individual staff in particular? Either way she has made a very serious allegation against your setting, and I have to say I agree with Inge. Don't wait for her to complain to Ofsted, take control and make sure you document absolutely everything and get witness statements from everyone who saw or heard anything.

 

I had a situation in my setting which resulted in a complaint to Ofsted and whilst it was horrible and we missed the child terribly after they withdrew, I must say that I felt mightily relieved that I would no longer have to face an angry, hostile parent every day. I only had this situation with the parent for a couple of days, and you've all had to endure this for some time - at least you won't have to face this fear and unpleasantness any more.

 

Good luck - take advice won't you, and get some support for yourselves too. This is a very stressful time for you all and you'll need time to reflect on what has happened and begin to put it behind you once it has been resolved. Keep talking and offloading and be kind to one another.

 

Maz

[Guest]

Very sound advice already that I hope you will follow up. I too think it is imperative that you contact Ofsted etc, you now need to be pro-active and not be reactive waiting for the next problem these parents will bring you.

 

I would actually write to these parents accepting the notice they have given you. It only needs to be a short factual letter, something on the lines of ....Further to your visit on .....(date), I am writing to confirm that you gave notice, of your intent to withdraw........childs name) from the preschool as of this date.

Then write about any policy re: notice requirements, any fees due in lieue of notice, or if funded the fact that you will inform the LA that funding is no longer required etc.

End the letter with something on the lines of, we take very seriously your accusation of neglect and we are following our policy procedures on this matter.

 

Peggy

[Guest]

Poor little girl! What an example her parents are setting her

 

Great advice from Peggy (as always!)

 

Ofsted will record the fact that you've contacted them and take advice from their Safeguarding team as to the way forward, in their opinion. They'll either feed it back to you immediately or get someone from their safeguarding team to contact you. I found them really supportive and helpful. They'll also tell you to write everything down, in case you need it in the future.

 

I hope you and your staff can be kind to yourself and each other until this situation is resolved.

 

Nona

[Guest]

Sorry, my response was written inbetween 'home stuff'.

I also want to say take care, don't let this horrible situation get you down too much, you and your team are professionals and although you may not feel valued at the moment, believe me that you are by the vast majority of parents.

 

Good luck.

 

Peggy

[Guest]

Hi Toro

 

This sounds like everyone's idea of a nightmare situation - I would just echo the excellent and measured advice given by all -this is a time when you need to share the load with those who deal with these situations on a regular basis - it is too big a burden for you to be expected to deal with on your own. The only other suggestion I can make is to also contact your union - I have found they can be very supportive at times of stress and may offer constructive advice. Good luck and hold on to the thought that right is on your side HUGS!!!

[AnonyMouse_2995]

l really thank you all from the bottom of my heart, l will be following all advice given.She did not particularly name a staff, but they have one in mind, i think the same staff parent threaten yesterday who is not even the child's keyworker. She came to the nursery thanked everyone for their care, and told them i am withdrawing because of neglect, how you can accused staff of neglect and thank them all is above me. The child has been with us since she was 7 months old, now 2. Staff are happy/sad happy they don't have to deal with her again, and sad for losing the child they have grown fond of. Anyway am glad they are gone, so glad l had this forum.

[AnonyMouse_3735]

I must admit I used here when I was going through my issues too.. sometimes it helped to just write it down, made it clearer in my head and really helped once written it all seemed to fall into perspective.

 

hopefully parents will not take it any further, but if they do you will have the knowledge that you have done all you can to help resolve the issues raised.

 

hope all get sorted out quickly. good luck

 

Inge

[Guest]

I have this parents at my nursery who really would like to run the nursery. The staff are in fear of speaking to them anything said about their child would be turned around and would be the staff's fault. They have a particular staff whom they like, because she always agrees to what they say, she is leaving now, and God help us because they would now say their child is not well looked after since she has left. The annoying thing is that she is so nice to the parents when they are there, but she is very lazy, and takes all the praise, but some parents have already cotton on to that.

 

This parents are now complaining about tyres in the garden saying it is unsafe, and Ofsted and children services would not accept it, we tried explaining to them the reason behind the tyres, but no they want it removed, we have had the tyres for 4 years no complain from other parents. They complained about water been stored in them after it rains, il assured them that we would check every morning, but no. They are forever complaining if their child has an "accident" (wet pants) she is 2, they are always maintaining that she does not have accidents at home, that she must be traumatise at nursery. Can go on but God help us. When we go on outings she is not allowed, she goes to her nan. Sorry for the rant.

HI

i would try to keep a good supply of photos of what this particular child is doing then this will have a bit of proof that the child is settled and enjoys her time with you. Why not try asking them what they would like from your setting for thier child. Though sometimes we just have to say we can't win em all!!!! all the best. X kezo