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Unbelieveable!


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i haven't posted on this wonderful forum for a while but dip in and out and learn lots from everyone's generosity in sharing ideas and thoughts! THANK YOU all xD

lots of reasons i haven't been posting but mainly due to not wanting to moan! enough said and have now got a fantastic team with a new deputy who i have loads of faith in and really excited for the future...

just thought i'd share something that has happened this week that has really made me wonder what planet some people are from!!!

we have had lots of new starters, been fab, really enjoying getting to know our new friends. then i recieve a call from local health visitor about a family and arrange with her for visit for child and mum, they arrived and i as i do i bent down to say hello to little girl and introduce myself then said and what's your name? little girl replies as clear as mud "FAT GIRL!!!!!!!!! " :o:( well i must have looked a little taken aback and looked at mum to see if i had heard right and she then said "yes we call her FAT GIRL" well once i'd picked my jaw up from the floor without showing too much shock! i asked mum if there was another name by which she was known and she told me what it was (a very beautiful name as it happens) so i suggested that we would be using the name that the school would be using as this would get her used to it by the time she goes there! i feel that as a setting we try to include all wishes of a family and hopefully we won't have any problems with this but very tricky situation. i have written down all converstaions so far and will keep in touch with the health visitor who new all about it but didn't warn me! the family are supported by a network of social care workers that care for the travelling community in the area so i can't quite believe that no one has suggested that the family use her name. i admire mum for the fact that she has just started her older daughter at full time school (no unusual name for her!)and that she has found us to care for her daughter and hope we can support the family, but i just can't get over the shock at the moment that this has been going on for all of her life so far, hopefully we can work with the family to promote her real name being used all the time if not she will certainly get use to it with us!!!

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Did you get the feeling the name was being used as a pet name or to stigmatise deliberately undermine her self-esteem? However ill judged it might be, the family may simply be using a name without understanding the implications of this on their daughter's growing sense of self worth.

 

On the one hand I was quite shocked that the health visitor hadn't warned you about it, but on the other hand I wonder if she thought doing so would cause you to pre-judge the family? Obviously only you can answer that one, based on your working relationship - but whatever her motives she put you in a very difficult position!

 

Working with families can be fraught with difficulties can't it? If they have developed a habit of using this name for their child it will be a difficult one to break, and it may be that modelling and encouraging them to use her real name won't work. In which case you may need to clearly but sensitively tell the parents of the possible repercussions on their daughter's development as she grows.

 

Maz

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It may not be meant unkindly we have a little boy whose mum's pet name for him is 'fat boy', again a shock to hear it first time round, when he said -mum calls me fat boy we did discuss it carefully. He said it was because he was a big baby and his when his mum played with him she called him 'fat boy', he associated it with fun times, he didn't consider himself fat and and thought it was a funny joke.

 

Thinking about family names - my mum's pet name for my sister was Fatty Arbuckle and she grew up to be an unscathed and well adjusted adult. Having said that my mum didn't use it outside the family and would have been surprised if my sister had introduced herself as Fatty.

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i think that this name is fairly widely used as a nick name in the community they live in,i'm sure they are not using it to undermine her and that it has just become a pet name, they also call the baby 'FAT BOY' so not just aimed at 1 child in the family. as they use the older daughters name, i will use this as a basis for encouraging mum that the other daughter could do with learning her name and we will help with this! i don't want to undermine mum so will be very respectful of her wishes for her family. the health visitor just laughed when i asked her if she had heard the girl being called by any other name but fat girl and said that it was just the way they are (i'm afraid i haven't found her very professional in the past!) so don't think she didn't tell me for any reason apart from she probably hadn't given alot of thought.

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We had a child called Flying Pig. It was really lovely family of 4 and we had all the children. Dad had developed a pet name for each child and this most beautiful blond ringlet little girl was know to all the family grandparents and all as Flying Pig.As a baby dad had played the game where you lift a baby up and pretend they are flying like an aeroplane. Noone in the family thought anything of it until we made a point of using her name. I think this is a pet name and because you are on the outside and not seen its growth to common use you see it in the raw.

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This has just reminded me - I was always known as 'Splodge' by the family, because I was a rotund baby (In the 60's a fat baby was a healthy baby). It was said in love, nothing was meant by it in an unfeeling way. I carried it until I was a beanpole teenager (but even Dad called me it then, as it was an antonym joke!)

 

I think that might raise an eyebrow today if a tubby baby was introduced to a nursery as 'Splodge'

Edited by Cait
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I have a new starter whose parents want her to be known by her "pet" name even though she too has a lovely name of her own. Parents were adamant that child would not answer to own names (she does when we have used it accidentally). Pet name is not one I can tell you in case she is identified but I know staff team and myself are struggling and have chatted with parent about disadavantages of using a pet name etc. We are finding it really difficult to use this name but that is what the parents want even after we have suggested that there could be difficulties. Unfortunately the pet name is just setting this child up for a hard time - AAAAARRRGGGGGGG :oxD

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