'no Cuddles' Myth

[Guest]

Hi all,

 

This came up on another thread, i.e. the idea that you should never touch or cuddle children if they are upset, and I wanted to dispel this myth as I think it is really harmful and a complete over reaction to a couple of shocking incidents.

 

It can be hard to find the actual legal guidance, so I will post the links below.

 

If you go to page 25 on the document here, and see point 82, you will see the current governent advice, and also a link to another document which gives more detail about your legal situation.

 

http://www.teachernet.gov.uk/_doc/14800/43...se_of_force.pdf

 

Hope this helps someone and that no one would ever think twice about hugging an upset child!

[Guest]

And here's the relevant extract from the other document I referred to:

 

There are occasions when it is entirely appropriate and proper for staff to have physical contact with pupils, but it is crucial that they only do so in ways appropriate to their professional role.

 

A 'no touch' approach is impractical for most staff and will in some circumstances be inappropriate. When physical contact is made with pupils this should be in response to their needs at the time, of limited duration and appropriate to their age, stage of development, gender, ethnicity and background. Appropriate physical contact in schools will occur most often with younger pupils.

[AnonyMouse_3139]

Well done Suzie

[AnonyMouse_15046]

It's a good point.

 

How great would it be if someone could educate all the headteachers and other professionals out there who don't realise how important physical comfort is to small children.

[AnonyMouse_19762]

Well done Suzie

I'll second that!

[AnonyMouse_11396]

Here here totally agree.

[Guest]

How great would it be if someone could educate all the headteachers and other professionals out there who don't realise how important physical comfort is to small children.

 

That would be FAB!!!

 

I think I might print off the guidance Suzie's highlighted and carry it with me on school runs..... I've had more than one sideways glance when my 4 minded children come running over for hugs and kisses before they go into class.

 

I'd no sooner refuse them than their own parents do when they leave them with me each day.

 

Nona

[AnonyMouse_8457]

Agreed.

Also from a parent's point of view I always said (and actually still think with my 2 being 7 and 16) I would far rather their teacher/TA/playleader/whoever gave them a hug if they were upset than left them feeling unloved!

[AnonyMouse_705]

Absolutely, children received appropriate tender, loving care in our setting! If children do not learn what is appropriate contact how will they know what is not?

[AnonyMouse_15046]

That would be FAB!!!

 

I think I might print off the guidance Suzie's highlighted and carry it with me on school runs..... I've had more than one sideways glance when my 4 minded children come running over for hugs and kisses before they go into class.

 

I'd no sooner refuse them than their own parents do when they leave them with me each day.

 

Nona

 

Can I come and watch when you get your bit of paper out and make them read it pleeeeeaaaase? :(

[AnonyMouse_3139]

Agreed.

Also from a parent's point of view I always said (and actually still think with my 2 being 7 and 16) I would far rather their teacher/TA/playleader/whoever gave them a hug if they were upset than left them feeling unloved!

 

When my oldest started school he cried and screamed so one day I sneaked a look thrugh the class window and saw him sitting quite happily on the teachers lap. i was happy he was bring looked after and left him to it.

 

I'd have been horrified oif he hadnt been comforted and would have had lots more things to say than seeing a cuddle.

[AnonyMouse_30128]

I think i must be a nightmare for our local school who have a no cuddle policy...every time i go to the school i am bombarded by children flinging themselves at me ...nice to be loved

[Guest]

If children do not learn what is appropriate contact how will they know what is not?

 

 

Great point ...and how will they learn to be caring, loving grown ups

Edited November 11, 2010 by gingerbreadman

[Guest]

I feel strongly that in not meeting a child's deep emotional need is neglect - no other word for it!

[AnonyMouse_8466]

Thanks SuzieC8 - very useful for tutors to show students when they tell you that they can only have a child to sit on their lap if there's a cushion for them to sit on, etc etc!

 

Maz

[AnonyMouse_12805]

Thanks SuzieC8 - very useful for tutors to show students when they tell you that they can only have a child to sit on their lap if there's a cushion for them to sit on, etc etc!

 

Maz

 

 

WHAT!!!! For goodness sake & the point of the cushion is? I cant quite grasp it, is it so they (the adult) wouldn't be able..... well I'm not quite sure what they wouldn't be able to do. How sad, how very sad that students are being told things like this. I've had students say they have been told not to pick up a child but never sit them on a cushion first.

[AnonyMouse_3139]

I've heard that one too, but have never seen it in practice, which is heartening at least!

[Guest]

I was 19, my first childcare job, working in a nursery and a child came to sit on my lap and the manager said to me 'is that for her benefit, or yours?'

I was so shocked by that and therefore have always had that in the back of mind.

 

Like finleysmaid - children have always flung themselves at me upon entering a room and attached themselves to my leg. I can't see a child genuinely upset and not comfort them. There has been many an occasion where a parent has had to prise their upset child off them and onto me and often they have remained there for a lot of the session.

 

ppp

[AnonyMouse_8466]

I was 19, my first childcare job, working in a nursery and a child came to sit on my lap and the manager said to me 'is that for her benefit, or yours?'

I was so shocked by that and therefore have always had that in the back of mind.

You raise an important point, PPP. I think we often pat or stroke a child or ruffle their hair without thinking about whether this is what the child wants or whether we are just reacting to our own feelings of what I call 'oh bless' syndrome. Most children will accept this physical type of 'positive stroke' much as they would a compliment or praise, however I have known children who have found it puzzling or uncomfortable.

 

Can you imagine how you'd feel if every time you walked past a colleague they stroked your shoulder or tucked your hair behind your ear?

[Guest]

It's a good point.

 

How great would it be if someone could educate all the headteachers and other professionals out there who don't realise how important physical comfort is to small children.

 

Hi, I am a new forum user and a childminder. I also agree. One of my minded children always run up to me when collecting from school I have never given it a second thought. If the three year old hurts herself she looks to me for comfort.

[Guest TinklePrincess]

I have been in a lot of setting through university placements and just personal experience and I've noticed tht the majority of the time, it is the children seeking out the affection. I'm also a Brownie leader and even the girls there often come up for a cuddle. It's sad to think that, knowing the families, a lot of them aren't given that tenderness at home and to be honest, when a child is upset, nine times out of ten, a cuddle will be just what the doctor ordered!

 

I would never just grab a child and plonk them on my lap but can you imagie the feelings of rejection and what that would mean for them in later life, if you just remove them every time they tried?!