Guest Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 A little 4 year died last night in a tragic accident in his home. What do I say to his friends? Has anyone had to deal with this awful situation? Please help all staff are distraught Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_19782 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I was so sorry to read your post, I haven't ever had any experience of this type of thing and so would find it hard to offer up any advice. I am sure there are many on here who have had bereavement training who will be able to help you. I can imagine how raw everyone's feelings are at the moment and perhaps you would be better suited to leaving it some days before talking to the children and then be as honest as you can be and answer any questions the children may have, but of course their own parents may have already broached the subject with them. Perhaps in the long term you might have a small rememberance area set aside or a quiet space where children can sit in the outdoor area dedicated to the boy's memory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_11396 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I am so sorry to hear of your tragic loss. Have only had experience of a parent sadly passing away, but i do know that our area Senco team had a box for bereavement of family members, not sure if this may help in the coming days, weeks or months. As Panders has already suggested to be as honest as you are able to be with the other children in your care, and make sure that you all as the adults get some support too. Sending my love to you all.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_8623 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I've had no experience of this so no advice to offer really. I just wanted to say how sorry I am to read your post. You sound so sad. I'm sure you and your staff will be great support for each other. Love and hugs to you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_19762 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 (edited) I am so sorry to hear of your loss.......I'm afraid I can't offer any wise words........I wonder if this would be better left to parents to 'deal with'.......people have very individual ideas about 'death'....... Again, I'm so sorry.....the poor family......how sad.......hugs to all x Had to come back to edit.....are you school or pre-school? My comment about parents dealing with this may not be sensible I suppose if you are school.......I was thinking in terms of my own very small pre-school setting..... Edited February 16, 2011 by sunnyday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I think it depends on how you were told of the accident, and by whom. Are you sure you have all the facts? I wouldn't say anything to the children until you are sure what the parents would want you to say. I'm so sorry to hear this shocking news. Have you come across the website Winston's Wish? It may be worth a look. I would also contact your early years team for some advice and support for you and your staff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_6716 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Such an awful thing to happen, can't imagine how devastating for all involved. I've really not got the experience to offer any advice sorry, other than echoing what some one has said about the "Winstons Wish" website (I know people have mentioned it on the forum in the past as being a useful source of help and advice in dealing with children and bereavement) . Just wanted to send you lots of love and virtual hugs x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_6716 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_13453 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 A little 4 year died last night in a tragic accident in his home. What do I say to his friends? Has anyone had to deal with this awful situation? Please help all staff are distraught I heard about this today. I can only say how extremely sorry for you all we are and our hearts and thoughts are with you all. If there's anything we can do - just along the coast a little way - please, please let me know. There's no way to explain a tragedy like this, to an adult, never mind a child - we lost a Mum a few years ago and that was devastating, we made a book for the children to keep of all the lovely memories we had of her, and stuck photographs in. Would something like that be the start of your healing, a condolence-type of book, but filled with happy thoughts. When children leave we always ask the children to think of a nice thing to say about each other and I type these up and they go home in the special file. Huge hugs from all of us Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Biker Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Just wanted to say how sorry i was to read this sad news. I hope you and your team will look after each other .Sending a big hug. I think your early years team should be able to provide some help for you. Sorry i could not add anything more constructive. Bikerx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_11485 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say. Just that I'm praying for you all. Take lots of care of each other. love Emma x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 So sorry. Hope you can all be comfort to one another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 That is so sad. I am so sorry for his family, his friends and your team. I think that what you say to the children is probably best worked out with support from the families and your school/ committee/management team etc. It is important that his friends are not kept in the dark about it, but equally that they are not frightened by it. My belief is that children shoudl be told in a matter of fact way without euphemisms etc. 2 years ago a little girl we know was killed in a car crash. I told my daughter that she had been hurt in an accident and that because her body was so bady hurt, the doctors were not able to make her better. I did not tell her it was a car accident because I did not want her to be frightened about getting in the car. There was a big memorial service - some families attended with children, some without. The pre-school also made a special area in the garden dedicated to her. The pre-school left it for families to tell their children. We will al be thinking of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 (edited) Thoughts and prayers are with you and your staff at this terrible time. When my youngest was 4 her best friend's brother aged 6 died suddenly. Letters were hand delivered to all families explaining what had happened and what the shcool would be doing-assemblies, talking, memory books. The school called on the LA for advise and counselling for staff and children. Not sure what your setting is but please contact whatever your umbrella organisation is for help. There are systems in place to help and you will need them in the weeks and months to come. Edited February 16, 2011 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_73 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Hi there Princess Polly, Im sorry to hear about this tragedy. I have experienced this from different sides, twice as a teacher of a child and once as a parent. Here are my thoughts. First you will need to acknowledge children's feelings as chances are they are already aware of what has happened, even though they dont really understand, they may be seeing family and other friends sad or crying, as well as not seeing their friend at school/nursery. Let the children talk freely if they wish to, and setting up an area with memory box or book in which chidlren can make contributions/add photos with not only give them their space tink, but will also be of tremendous comfort to the parents. In terms of anything official (eg a letter or notice to parents who perhpas have not heard or are not aware), this will depend on the family and their wishes, whether or not they have spoken to you themselves, or a family member is speaking on thier behalf. (this will also depend on the size of the community and whether its one where everyone knows everyone). You can make yourselves available for talk, and ask if the family wish for visitors. It was of incredible comfort to us after our own tragedy, that every teacher in the school came to our home personally, to talk about him and share their own grief. Not all families would wish for this, but dont assume that they wouldnt because of the private nature of grief. Also dont worry about not knowing what to say, sometimes its just better to say something rather than nothing. We were touched that they made the effort, and never ever wished they had left us alone, and they brought with them many memories! For most of the children nursery needs to be business as usual, the normal routines that they are used to, and this will help you to keep focus too. You and your staff will also be grieving, and maybe more so, the child's keyperson. I remember the first time I lost a child in my class to dysentry(!), I kept it all togeher until the first day afer the funeral when I picked up the school register as they were then and against her name was a black line, written over with 'deceased'. That was when I finally crumbled! Get your staff toegther and support each other, enabling all to talk as they need to, maybe this is a good time for you to spend some time together as a team too. In time you will need to think about the funeral, who will attend and if you close setting as a mark of respect. Again what do the parents wish for (in all honesty parents often dont actually know what they want, they are just existing through the days, one by one), but take your judgements from the person you are in contact with. Use any support offered by your LA Take care of yourselves, this is a difficult time for you, and also talk to your own families too. Plenty of hugs coming your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Thank you all for your kind words xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Oh how sad! Fabulous support and insights from Mundia (thank you for sharing such a personal tragedy - my heart goes out to you...) I hope you get the support you need from your LA Princess Polly, my thoughts will be with you in the days ahead. Nona Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Such sad, sad, news. I can't find the words to convey my sorrow for all affected by this tragedy, and I agree Nona, such profound sharing, caring support from Mundia. I think that it is mainly the adults who understand the concepts surrounding this loss who need the most support right now, yes the children in the setting do too but in some sense their lack of understanding of death is a blessing for them at this time. The children may however respond to the sadness around them, which I believe should not be hidden, they will begin to learn about the rawness of emotions and may display confusion and enquiry about what they are experiencing as the aftermath of what has happened to this poor child. My son attends a special needs school where sadly life expectancy for many children who attend the school, is short, the school has experienced the loss of three children since September. They have a remembrance book in their main reception, each page has a picture of a child and words to describe his/her character, written positively as a celebration of their short lives. If you have a similar school nearby I am sure they would have many resources / knowledge to share about ways to support you and your staff at this time. Sending a big virtual hug. Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_64 Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I couldn't read and run but don't really have anything more to add. Just don't underestimate the depth of your own feelings and make sure you seek any support offered as well. My thoughts are with you all at this tragic time. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 SO sad.....I just cant believe all the sad news I have heard this year already....I keep thinking ...what next? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Just want to thank you all for your advice, support and comforting words. Today was awful, I spoke to the nursery children together (his peer group) and then reception as we are a unit and all work play together. The children were wonderful we all spoke of our memories of the little boy and staff cried as I spoke. I lit a candle and we sang Twinkle Twinkle little star. We all looked at photographs and shared little stories. One little girl asked how he died and that was hard but ok thanks once more xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Gosh how awful for everyone, sending you hugs, that must be awfully hard to deal with for you and your class. In time, perhaps your school might want to mark his life in some way? A friend of mine planted a tree to commemorate a baby she lost, and this also happened at a school where I taught when we lost a colleague. It's a lovely way to mark the memory for future generations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_7172 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Just to say that I'm thinking of you... Keep posting, you need the support of the lovely people here with love pw xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 sending lots of love and hugs at a terrible time xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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