Guest Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Hi everyone, just wanting to let off steam a bit and perhaps get some advice, I have recently been promoted from a support worker to a practitioner after completeing my nvq3, I have moved to a different room but am working with a lady who is so opinionated and stuck in her ways that she winds me up. She upset me today because, bearing in mind it is only my second week and I am still learning about my different shifts responsibilities, she shepherded the children into the bathroom before they went outside and then came over to me got quite colse to me and said something like." I have just spent 20 minutes ( more like 5 at the most, she also exagerates!) making sure the children went to the toilet before going out now you need to thank me, say thank you ...., and she said this in quite a nasty way and I was so taken aback that I said thank you! I have been stewing on this all day now and am probably building it up to something much bigger than it is but this woman makes me feel really small and she treats me a bit like a student and that any one who isn't a nursery nurse is rubbish. I know I am good at my job as the managers have all said to me that my practice is excellent but around this lady I do feel inadequate. I know I should probably confront her if she does this again but I don't like confrontation and she will probably just shout me down. Apart from that I am really enjoying my extra responsibilities and having my own key group. Any advice or support greatly appreciated! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_8466 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Blimey! I'm not really sure I know what to say to this - I don't think you're building it up into something it isn't. Without knowing what else is going on (and I'm not one to jump to conclusions) this sounds like workplace bullying to me. I think you need to find a way of handling her without becoming confrontational, and part of me thinks maybe you could use humour to do this. On the other hand she might take this as a sign that you find her funny, which will give her an excuse to carry on with this behaviour in the future. Is there someone in the setting you can confide in without it becoming a formal complaint? I'm willing to bet that you're not the only person to have ever felt this way about this lady. Reading between the lines, I wonder if she's a lot older than you? If so this can make it very difficult to handle. One thing you might try is thinking about what you'd like to say in advance. So if she does something like this again, you already know what you're going to say, and have practiced. In this case, you might try something like "I'm sure the children are very grateful" or something similar so that it appears you are complimenting her on her work, but you are not complying with her demands. Why she feels you should thank her is beyond me! I would also keep a written diary of any incidents like this that happen, including a brief note of how you felt at the time. This will help you build up a picture of her behaviour and will help you to look at it objectively and see if there is a need to make a formal complaint. With my more charitable hat on, I wonder if she thought it was a huge joke which backfired. That said, "it was only a joke" is often the first refuge of a bully! She may have no idea that her behaviour is offensive or scary, but you have the right to feel comfortable at work. Sorry - I don't know what else to say! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_8466 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Oh and I meant to say - congratulations on achieving your NVQ and on your new job! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 (edited) My goodness - what a patronising woman! If the Managers know you are doing a good job then that is a huge comfort to take and you know that they will be on your side. I'm sure that they will have some idea of what she is like already. As for what to do, I would keep a log of what she says and does for starters so you can use this as evidence to the Managers. I'm afraid that I'm still agog at what she said as to what to do right now - I'm sure someone who has had experience will be along shortly to help! Remember it's not you - it's her! Sorry - just realised we have cross posted Happy Maz Edited March 28, 2011 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_3735 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 (edited) Firstly, congratulations on your NVQ no mean feat in itself and promotion which shows the managers have confidence in the fact that you are very capable and able to fulfil the role you now have. I am unclear as to the way you and this person fit into the team.. is she qualified and your lead.. or equal to you or unqualified and hence you now are in effect of a higher level. This could hold the key as to her antagonism towards you, feeling perhaps threatened by a new person ( remembering NVQ3 is the same level as a nursery nurse..) how to deal with.. lots of ifs and buts depending on how you feel you want to cope or deal with it. Personally I used to shrug off any issues when I could and avoid the confrontation.. in your situation today I may well have thanked the children rather than her for being so good and getting ready for outside so quickly, perhaps not easy when faced with it and on reflection you wish you had type thing... but try not to rise to her 'bait'. You are obviously not inadequate or you would not have been given the job... note down all the incidents and if needed report to the managers... this could be seen as workplace bullying. Edited March 28, 2011 by Inge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonyMouse_11396 Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 Welcome and congratulations on your NVQ3. I certainly would not expect any member of staff in their second week to know all routines etc. [Takes years no only joking]. Are you shadowing or buddying with someone and if not why not. She may well have thought it was funny, but it is not and this has made you very uncomfortable and not a good place to be in your new position. I agree with noting every time this occurs and lets hope it doesn't, try to pre-empt it if you can and have a reply at the ready, but most importantly carrying on enjoying your role. Lets us know how things are going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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