Your Wise Words, Please...

[Guest]

Here's the background....I care for a 6 year old with global development delay, who attends a special school. He's repeating year 2 as the school say they have concerns about his behaviour, which they feel is affecting him academically.

 

His annual review was held in January and his IEP sent to his parents. It has exactly the same targets as the one dated Sept last year but WE (myself and his parents, and the parents I childmind for, who all teach) can see the progress he has made. We worked hard with him over the holidays last year to encourage him to mark make and by his return to school in September he had, for the first time, written his own name. All of this was recorded and a folder of evidence sent into school in September.

 

In the last 2 months there has been some rather negative feedback in the home/school book... M has been unpleasant at lunchtime, "difficult" behaviour today but no details given.

 

On several occasions he has been put on the transport home to me, in tears and the driver and escort have been given no information by the school as to the reason. They have done their best to console him and are genuinely concerned as to how upset he's been, twice describing him as distraught. He's then hard to settle when he gets to me, tear stained and unhappy.

 

In the last week of term his teacher hand wrote a note in the book asking for permission to get him assessed for ADHD. His behaviour at home and with me does not cause concern and it's hard to see the child that the school describe.

 

He was very unsettled at the start of the holiday, almost defiant and a look of real anger in his eyes at times, instantly followed by bouts of crying - both here and at home.

 

He's also, almost every day, absolutely filthy when he gets off the bus - not his clothing but his hands and face in particular... hands black and food from lunch smeared around his face. It's obvious he's not been encouraged to wash it off and it's getting worse. It's getting to the stage where others are commenting on it and today, being polling day, several of my teacher clients have picked their own children up from school and seen M in this state (today is particularly bad, his face is filthy from the eyes down to his neck... mud, grey marks and food... ) and a parent commented that it's a disgrace leaving him like that through the afternoon and sending him home... what about his dignity, what 's he learning about health and hygiene.... it's almost neglect....

 

I must stress that his parents are concerned about the situation with school, the lack of communication and the apparent lack of progress. They contacted the school before the holiday and requested a meeting. They've asked me to attend with them and we're waiting for it to be arranged.

 

I've documented everything and, today, have encouraged him to wash his hands before eating but left the rest for his parents to see... I'll just say I'm glad I was bringing him straight home and there are no other minded children here for collection

 

Thoughts please... would you leave/allow a child to leave your setting in this state? Should I be doing anything more than recording it? My mind's buzzing

 

Thanks,

 

Nona

Edited May 5, 2011 by Guest

[AnonyMouse_30128]

do you know it amazes me that some special schools seem incapable of thinking about the child holistically...when others do so much for life and social skills. What does his keycarer say about all of this? Do you have a communications book that you all add to? perhaps one of his IEP targets requested by the parents is to teach him how to wash his face (maybe with wipes)!(what is the ratio they are working to?)...sorry about the questions just trying to work out why this seamingly simple task is not being dealt with!

[AnonyMouse_13453]

I can't read and run, but dashing out again Nona so I'll be back to comment properly. But definitely NO, I wouldn't leave a child in that state! Occasionally children Have gone home from Preschool filthy, but that's because parents have picked them up when they're in the middle of making mud pies or something - and it's funny - it's not neglectful, like this seems to be!

[AnonyMouse_3139]

Gosh, it sounds like the school are giving up on him doesnt it?

I certainly wouldnt leave a child with food from lunch all round their face all afternoon. What they pick up after that is different, but after lunch I'd want the children to wash and be ready to start play. How is he getting so dirty?

Something seems amiss if the bus escort and driver have worries.

Are his parents able to stand their ground? You know what I mean? Some people fall to pieces when they speak to teachers, too many memories of being a pupil themselves! I hope you can help them.

[Guest]

I feel for the family and you it must be very worrying. Has your local authority got a parent partnership scheme? I havnt got the info at home but our schools/pre-schools hand out a leaflet for parents of children with additional needs that has contact details of a free service that give support for just this type of problem. They can be impartial they go to meetings with parents and school to get the best outcome for families. Im sorry for being a bit lacking of info but if you googlehelp in your local area for sen you may get some info for the service.

sue

[AnonyMouse_11396]

Oh my a definite urgent meeting to discuss/assess child's current needs is a must.

Can they explain why he is so dirty? If its lunch dirt why is there not a target on his IEP for self-care and hygiene to work towards as a next step, i certainly wouldn't leave any child in that state.

Its different if he has been playing out having great fun gardening,digging, but lunch NO! and he surely wouldn't be doing that everyday.

If they are struggling to get him to clean himself up then surely this should be discussed with the parents.

As you are part of his care and to support the parents could you go too.

I do hope this little boy gets back on track soon, thank heavens there's people like you that really care.

Please let us know how you get on.

[Guest]

Hi

As a teacher in an SEN school I can appreciate this a little bit from the schools point of view (not that I condone it at all!!!) If his behaviour in school is really bad then washing his face might be the last thing on their minds. Having said that there must be a reason why he's behaving badly in the first place. We have lots of children at our school whose behaviour at home and school is very different, some are angelic at home and terrible at school but most are the other way round!

 

I would hope that if he truly is behaving as badly as they say that they have either written or be at least thinking about writing an IBP. If they have done this his parents will have been informed so if they've not heard anything they mustn't have one. Have they always had these concerns or has his behaviour in school changed? If it's changed then they need to work out what has changed to make him change (does that make sense?!)

 

The fact that his IEP hasn't changed says to me that, although he hasn't achieved his targets yet, they expect him to achieve them by the next review and so he must have made progress towards them. Are they saying that he's not progressing because of his behaviour? Are any of his targets behaviour based? If not, why not?!

 

There are loads of issues here and if I were his mum I'd be contacting the school again to remind them I want a meeting and constantly mythering them til I got one! There's no excuse for it taking this long to arrange a meeting. When you all go to the school make sure you take a list with you of everything you want to discuss.

 

The kind of things I'd want to know are:

Specifically what behaviours is he displaying and what triggers them? (If they don't know what the triggers are, ask them if they are keeping behaviour logs in order to try and find a pattern)

What strategies are they using to deal with his behaviour?

What, in their opinion, is delaying his progress? (Is it his behaviour/ has he reached a plateau/ something else)

What changed at school 2 months ago?

And of course... Why is he being sent home filthy every day?!

 

It could be that the school have legitimate reasons for the recent issues, e.g. a member of staff who he feels close to could be off sick, which could cause his behaviour problems and could also mean that they are struggling with practical things like washing faces. The reason I suggest this is that when the meeting is arranged, you should go in with an open mind. If you get there and are not happy with the answers you get then it's time to take further action but until then, prepare to work with the school to try and sort out the problems together as this is the most effective way all round.

 

I hope I've not waffled too much and I've made at least a tiny bit of sense, I'm really tired today and feel like I might have rambled a bit! Sorry if I have but I didn't want to read and run!

 

Good luck and keep us posted!!

[AnonyMouse_29641]

You've had much more experienced answers but I would like to say that I send minded children with special needs to school with bed-head as to apply a comb would wind them up so much that we would never get to school. And the anxiety all round just wouldn't be worth it - abusive even. Messy hair doesn't bother them regardless of what others might think. So I would never say never.

 

Best of luck with your own situation.

 

Honey

[Guest]

I knew you wouldn't let me down - thank you!!!

 

He's in a class of 8, with 2 learning support staff and a teacher who transferred from mainstream 2 years ago.... as M went into this class. No changes of staff during the year but I have wondered whether there's been a change of children as M loves to mimic other behaviour and it's crossed my mind that he may be doing that in class ( oh, the fun we had with him when there was a child with Tourettes )

 

When he's at home or with me (either at my house or out and about - school runs, shops, parks etc - his behaviour is great. He may be a little loud on occasion and will "flap" his hands if over excited but stops as soon as you remind him. I even took him for lunch in Pizza Express during the holiday and he was fabulous, sat nicely, communicated with the waiter himself and remembered his manners (one of his targets was to make himself understood to his peers and adults) He concentrates, knows when it's time to work - we used the work now, play later system but within 2 days he was keen to do his work and didn't need it.

 

I honestly can't see what the school's issue with him is. My concerns are raised by his eating habits - he bolts his food unless you remind him to eat slowly. He eats at the table here and at home with his family and they also remind him... he's fine over the weekend but the habit reappears during school time. Parents have asked for information regarding lunch routines but none has been given.

 

School have requested the CAMHS team assess him but it's a slow process is this authority. They want the meeting to involve them, too.

 

There's no behaviour management plan in place, his self-care is good when he's here and at home and he's very proud of being independent when going to the toilet and washing his hands afterwards.

 

I just find it so sad that he's allowed to go around looking so unloved and uncared for - it's so bad for his self-esteem. I make light of it when I pick him up and provide a wet wipe for him to clean up in the car... I don't want him seen in public in this sorry state

 

Hadn't thought of the Parent Partnership, will get details and pass on to Mum. I've offered to have home visits while he's here with me for the SLT and CAMHS team to see him in another setting, in the hope that they'll support our views that the issue is only evident in school.

 

I'll pass on your thoughts to his parents tomorrow and let you know how we proceed...

 

Thanks!

 

Nona

Edited May 5, 2011 by Guest

[AnonyMouse_15046]

I've been pondering this one Nona but I don't think there's an easy solution.

 

I wonder if you could begin to use the communication book to record how he arrived home and the actions you've taken. If you could model the type of communication these parents need from the school perhaps the school will feel they need to step up to the mark too. If they don't the book could become a useful piece of evidence. Tell the parents to keep copies of it as these books have a habit of suddenly disappearing when schools get rattled.

 

I think Parent Partnership is a good idea and also perhaps a call to any specialist support teachers from the LEA who are involved with the child. You could do this as a childminder asking for advice for yourself at first as you are also his educator.

 

Good luck Nona.

[AnonyMouse_19762]

Oh nona what a sad tale........poor little chap - some great advice from people with far more knowledge than me when it comes to this area.......just couldn't possibly 'read and run'.....

 

Surely it's not acceptable to write a note in his book about something as 'huge' as an assessment for ADHD......is it?

[Guest]

Good point sunnyday, when I suspected one of my children was dyslexic I invited his parents to come in for a meeting to discuss it. I did tell his mum over the phone what I wanted to talk about because I didn't want her to be worried that it was something really bad (for this child a diagnosis of dyslexia was a really positive thing for several reasons).

 

I wouldn't dream of writing something like that in a home-school book. At the very least I'd send a letter in a sealed envelope.

 

I use the children's home-school books for things like telling them what they've had for dinner/ something interesting they did during the day/ requesting spare clothes or nappies. Basically anything that I know the parents wouldn't mind anyone else seeing. For anything more private, personal or potentially worrying for the parents I prefer to make a phone call so they can ask any questions immediately rather than having to wait til the next day.

 

The more I think about the situation, the more issues come to mind! Have you told M's parents about this topic so they know that we all support them? Like I said before... Open mind!!! It's getting harder tho haha x

[Guest]

Bless you all, you're confirming our suspicions that all is not well with this situation - I'm going to contact the Parent Liason myself on Monday and will photocopy the home/school book as a back-up in case it goes missing when we raise our concerns with the school.

 

I refuse to believe that it's acceptable to communicate such potentially devastating news to parents in this way... why not a phone call to gently broach the subject, followed by a formal letter - after all it's an official request as the school can't make the referral without parental permission. Highly unprofessional in my opinion.

 

I'm going to document all my concerns in writing and give a copy to M's parents for them to use to support their discussions with the school.Ppreviously, I've put my notes on post-it's in the book (still there) but I think I will actually write them in the book now for all to read and do them each day to set an example, as Upsy Daisy suggested. Sometimes it's weeks between comments by the teacher - I at least see his parents and have a chat with them at the end of every day.

 

Definitely time to push for a review meeting with all agencies involved.... M simply isn't in the right setting or getting the right support

 

Thank you all for your support which I will share with the family.

 

Nona

[Guest]

We go from bad to worse

 

Yesterday as M happily got off the school transport the escort told me she'd been ticked off for giving M a hug when he was brought to her "sobbing his little heart out". The school staff member wagged her finger in her face "no! no! no! you're not supposed to do that!"

 

The escort replied "leave my head on my shoulders" and asked what had happened...he's been told off for being rude.

 

We both felt that if he'd been told off the matter had been dealt with and that if he was still distressed it was "right" to comfort him. Alarm bells rang though as I felt school may make an issue of it because of tensions between them and M's parents recently so I rang Mum and told her. She immediately rang school to support the escort and was told they'd speak to the staff member and phone her back this morning.

 

No call so Mum rang again and was spoke to his teacher, to be told that she was just writing a note in M's book about his behaviour... it basically asked how they were coping with him at home. Apparently he's been physically aggressive in school, rude (blowing raspberries) loud and disruptive - all behaviour unique to school and not seen here, at home, at his SEN activity club, on the school transport or at swimming lessons!

 

Mum feels personally accused of being a poor parent It was implied that the problem has only occurred since he was at home in the holidays but that's not true! M was very distressed at the end of term, weepy, off his food, bursting into tears when asked if anything was wrong and sometimes his eyes were SO angry.... we all knew something was bothering him but he'd settled by the end of the first week and has been fine since. The teacher wanted to know if there were any difficulties at home or if anything had happened to affect him.... logical questions, I know, but hardly the right approach to take when Mum has rung in about another issue entirely.

 

We've copied his book, left messages for CAMHS and Parent Liason and I'm going to put together a letter to his parents referring to our conversation tonight and putting on record that I've not experienced any of the difficulties they mention.

 

When Mum questioned the teacher about triggers or flashpoints she admitted that M was worse when the class was loud and when the bell rings.... surely in a class of only 8 children, 1 teacher and 2 TA's they could quietly warn M before the bell rings to stop him shouting out when it does

 

I just don't understand why things are going so wrong or why the school have such a problem with him? As Mum says, they're the experts so why can't they deal with him better?

 

HELP!!

 

Nona

Edited May 11, 2011 by Guest

[AnonyMouse_19782]

Oh Nona, this does make very sorry reading and one can only echo what mum is saying! If only we could be a fly on the wall for the day in his classroom.

 

It sounds as though you are all doing what you can from your side of things, but the school must offer face to face meeting soon, doing this through a notebook and telephone is not good.

 

Hope you all get some resolutions soon.

[AnonyMouse_73]

Interesting nona that you mention bells ringing, as it reminded me of a child I taught years ago who got extremely distressed at the sound of bells. Of course, chances are there are no bells in the same way at home, swimming pool, clubs, your house etc, and so the issue only appears at school, where the particular noise or frequency is heard.

 

 

Im not suggesting that this is the case here, but could he be very sensitive to certain noises that only manifest themselves at school/

[AnonyMouse_15046]

Poor little lad. It doesn't sound like the school are very keen to be helpful or flexible in order to meet his needs.

 

Following on from Mundia's comment, if he has not been assessed for sensory processing difficulties yo may want to consider introducing the idea to his parents. Schools can be very hostile places for these children and it may explain why his behaviour there is harder to manage.