Bereavement Advice Please

[Guest]

I am looking for some advice please -

 

A parent has asked for advice in the best way to tell their child that mummy no longer has a baby in her tummy. This is very sad news. The child is a preschooler and was well aware of the pregnancy and is a very clued-up little boy.

 

We have books to cover bereavement but not miscarriage specific.

 

Any advice welcomed x

[AnonyMouse_15046]

I wonder if this would help. I haven't read it or used it so you might want to check it through yourself before recommending it.

 

http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/m...ng2children.pdf

[AnonyMouse_1027]

I went on a course last week with http://www.childbereavement.org.uk/

 

honesty is the best policy but obviously only as much as the child can understand. we were told not to say things like 'gone to heaven' 'gone to sleep' 'gone away' but to use the word died or dead, as thgat is the reality. If you go to the above website it will give you some advise and some great resourses.

 

poor little chap will already know somwething is up so the sooner he is told the better.

[AnonyMouse_13453]

We've got a lovely book called We were going to have a baby but had an angel instead (or something like that) about miscarriage in children's terms. Once the story gets going it's possible to see an angel in the pictures, watching the family as they grieve.

 

It's hard to read, but it's appropriate

[Guest]

We've got a lovely book called We were going to have a baby but had an angel instead (or something like that) about miscarriage in children's terms. Once the story gets going it's possible to see an angel in the pictures, watching the family as they grieve.

 

It's hard to read, but it's appropriate

 

 

 

Thankyou everybody for the advice, greatly welcomed and appreciated

[AnonyMouse_8457]

Hi, I had a miscarriage and bought the book Cait mentioned for our daughter who like the child here was very aware and clued up, although she was older.

It is a lovely simple story (I'm pretty sure I posted about it here and raved!) and she still revisits it nearly 2 years later.

 

I would advise honesty as well. We cried openly and didn't pretend it was all fine if we didn't feel that way.

 

In my personal experience my daughter (she was 6 and a half) said something about it being worse for me as it had been in my tummy and I made sure she knew that, yes it was in me but we all wanted the baby and we were all very sad as I didn't want her to feel guilt or anything for her feelings.

 

You know what though, children are often incredibly matter of fact about death and he might just take it in his stride...

 

 

ETA I didn't find it hard to read... obviously emotional but it tells the story from the siblings point of view and acknowledges his feelings which he may not want to admit like he wanted a playmate and he's fed up with everyone crying

My daughter took it to school (year 2) and her teacher actually read it to the class which totally amazed me but she said the children were really receptive to it and my little girl told me that the teacher told them that if they have any questions they should ask her or the TA and not to bother us awwwww

Edited October 7, 2011 by Hello Kitty

[AnonyMouse_1195]

I think it is important to tell the child the truth in simple terms as Hali has said. Children can be very resilient, and explaining how sad everyone feels that the baby has died because something went wrong before it was born, is something a young child can accept. They know that their parents are sad, but they know that they themselves are alive and loved, if they get the reassurance of that. They will also be reassured by the fact that their parents feel sad for the loss of a child even if that is not directly articulated.

[AnonyMouse_13453]

ETA I didn't find it hard to read...

 

I didn't mean it was literally hard to read, I just meant that emotionally, it was. I found it easier to read one to one or two, I don't think I could have done it with a big group of children.

[Guest]

I haven't looked but have you tried the Winstons Wish charity, we found a book on there when we needed to help a child (and her family) through a suicide death

[Guest]

Here's another book.

http://somethinghappenedbook.com/

 

I haven't read it so don't know how good it is but it has notes for the parents on each page which might be helpful whilst reading the story

 

There's also a section on the site about child grief support that might have some helpful advice

Edited October 7, 2011 by Guest

[SueFinanceManager]

Hi

 

I the new revamped book section - see the blue navigation bar 'Resources' then 'The Bookshelf' about half way down the page is a whole load of books for helping a bereaved child/family

 

Good luck....life is very sad sometimes