Attention Seeking Behaviour

[AnonyMouse_42713]

Just had a thought we had a child who hated noise (turned out he had sensitive hearing) and would go crazy whenever singing started so we tried singing quietly and he responded very well to this. He preferred the stories also as it was a quieter activity, soothing, had rhythm patterns, pictures to look at etc. Something to consider maybe

We were told it is not isolating the child if they have already isolated themselves by their actions e.g not joining in with the group. We don't remove them far, just to one side so if they choose to continue being disruptive they will not harm others. We only physically move a child if they are at risk of harming themself or others and I would say your situation is one of these situations

[Guest terrydoo73]

I don't feel personally it is a problem that he has with story and rhyme time nor is it a problem with sitting. I think it is a problem of wanting to draw attention to himself. Perhaps I am wrong in this judgement. When we come in from outside play time the children know that it is moving into nursery rhyme and book time - in fact he is breaking his neck to get seated in the area. I think if he didn't enjoy this time of sitting he would be going to other play. We have one child who definately doesn't like sitting still but we put that down to the fact that he has toy shop approach - he only comes to us on Monday and Friday and he sees so many things to play with at once that he just flits from one thing to another to ensure he gets seeing everything. When it comes to reading and rhyme time he will not sit down with us. Again I think he likes to draw attention to himself by wandering around. I really believe that children who are preschool need to be learning to sit down and yes appreciate books particularly in a group time because they learn off each other. We do have books available throughout free play choice and we will take time if a child asks for a book to be read to them at any time. However some of the books we have chosen to read throughout our reading and rhyme time have been significant this week - we had one little girl afraid of monsters in the dark and we read a book all about not being afraid at bedtime and it seemed to calm her down considerably!

[AnonyMouse_12941]

Daisy this clip says it all and my sentiments and research exactly. Also children of that age still find it extremely hard to sit still and listen. At that age they should still be following their interests, perhaps sitting still and joining in group singing does not provide him with the stimulation he needs as an individual. Also forgive me, I try not to do gender stereotyping, but sounds like he just wants to run, jump, explore etc., Story/rhyme time may be better outside under neath a tent or the parachute. There are so many different ways of engaging boys - sitting sadly is not one of them.

[AnonyMouse_42713]

Our group times are often active, acting out stories etc. We used the outdoor area the other day for we're going on a bear hunt and they children were brilliant at working as a group to solve problems like muddy swamps. Thing is if a child is still disruptive in these situations after you have tried your best and various solutions then sometimes it is just plain attention seeking. I would be "join in or don't join in but respect those who do" and carry on with the other children enjoying the activity regardless, so the child can begin to recognise the consequences of his actions and choices and not receive the attention negative or otherwise that they are seeking.

[AnonyMouse_30128]

i really feel that the problem here lies with the issues at home but without knowing more it is difficult to suggest more solutions. I have often had children who have disabled siblings at home and their behaviour can be very challenging, they often get mixed messagesand learn behaviour that would be acceptable if they had an sen need but that the majority of us do not accept in a child with no difficulties. I would try to have a word with Mum and get more info on how she handles behaviour at home...what does he do during the day/how much attention does he get/what happens at story time,or bedtime/does he have to play up to get attention??????I really think you need more info and this family might need more support than they are already getting...perhaps mum has PND or is just struggling in general.

[Guest terrydoo73]

They definately are struggling and make no bones about how glad they are to have this child with us 2 1/2 hours a day - they said as much when he came back from the summer holidays! Dad is quite approachable and will take on all we say whereas mum clams up and really is not helpful in telling us what happens at home. I think it is a basic attitude he is with you now you deal with it and we will deal with him at home in our own way. What annoys me is when mum comes to collect him every day she says the same thing "where you a good boy today?" I cringe when parents ask this question and try to put it something like "we don't talk about good and bad, we rather see the children as individual in their responses and needs and handle it accordingly." We are trying to focus in on one thing that he does well each day as we do with all our children and in that way we are not being negative all the time to parents. This child is extremely headstrong and when he takes something into his head it is a nightmare to turn him. We are trying to be consistent at all times in our attitude - giving him the consequences such as "you are throwing sand if you continue you will have to come out of the sand tray" and then follow it through to the letter but realise that sometimes we don't always see everything going on with the other children needing our attention and perhaps slip up in terms of following through quickly enough.

[Guest terrydoo73]

We had a visit from our Social Services Registering Social Worker today - purely as she was passing by to see our new premises and get some feedback. She noticed while standing talking to me in the outdoor play area this particular child and immediately said we were dealing with him incorrectly! She stated that he was feeding on the negative behaviour and I could see immediately what she was saying as I observed too!

 

This child (M) was running about with another 2 children (boy and girl). He was enjoying the activity running up and down pretending to follow one another. The boy behind him stopped when he did and M slapped him on the face while at the same time looking at my Deputy for a reaction. My deputy immediately went over to him to ask him to not slap. He backed into a corner and she got down on her knees to talk to him which made him get down on his bottom and move back more into the corner. While my Deputy was talking to him the 2 other children and 1 other were behind my deputy watching what was going on. After speaking to M my deputy moved to another area of the playground. Child M continued to run with the other 2 children and again repeated the action of hitting the boy on the chest while at the same time looking to my deputy and immediately ran to the other side of the playground. The boy immediately shouted to my deputy "M hit me."

 

The social worker said to me that both children were feeding off reactions and negative at that. She said the actions of my deputy would be seen as singling him out and that the other children know to tell on him and thereby love to see us dealing with him on his own.

 

She asked us to sit back and observe him for a day or two. Yes there may be times when he will lash out but if we don't react then he will start to learn that this behaviour doesn't get him attention and he will desist!! My question to her was but he is hitting other children. She said it would be difficult for a day or two but eventually he will get the message. He appeared to her to be a socialable child and wanted to spend time with other children it was basically a case of teaching him and the other children too what behaviour should help everyone get along with each other!

 

Now my Deputy clearly was having none of this when I reported this to her lately claiming that there was no way she was going to let children get hit and slapped, punched and be bullied by this particular child. She maintained that whatever way we had handled this child we would not have been doing right by the social worker.

 

I want to be able to put down a plan but with a lot of resistance from my Deputy I do not know how to do this tactfully. I was thinking of observing him for a day or two and writing something that will help me and my deputy to know how to work together. Has anyone any suggestions how to write an individual plan for a child that has challenging behaviour such as this one? Please help me as I feel so out of my depths here!

[AnonyMouse_15046]

You must feel very backed into a corner Terrydoo!

 

I'm not sure that the advice this lady has given you is particularly helpful when you look at the stages you have already been through with this child. Is she a qualified Early Years practitioner?

 

I can see that this child is feeding off the negative attention but I think you were well aware of that anyway. What I think your deputy fails to understand is that she is triggering the behaviour she wants to prevent.

 

It's hard to say without observing directly but maybe there needs to be a change of culture in the pre-school. The staff need to be picking out good behaviour which they want to see repeated constantly throughout the whole session. When a child hits another for attention you just move between them, say something like "Use your hands kindly please, xxxx" and move straight on to distracting and redirecting both children. The practitioner then need to stay involved in the play of those children for a while to support them and keep them engaged in a more positive way.

 

Don't take the child out of the situation unless they are in meltdown and need time to calm themselves.

 

Backing a child into a corner as you describe sounds quite aggressive and intimidating and certainly doesn't come under the heading of positive behaviour management. I think I would be very uneasy if I saw a fellow practitioner behaving like that.

 

I wouldn't just let the child wander round thumping anyone he likes without attempting to manage it at all. I would change how all behaviour is managed and make an enormous fuss of the positives, particularly when they are displayed by the child in question.

 

Observing the child for a day or two could be a very good thing in that you may get an idea of any difficulties he is having trying to express himself to the other children. That way you could model the words he needs to use when he's feeling frustrated to give him an alternative to lashing out.

[AnonyMouse_3139]

In a situation like that I'd give lots and lots of attention to the child who's been hit and turn away from the aggressor. If its attention he wants he'll soon learn that the child he hit has it all and he has none. A quiet word later, either with him alone or as part of group time, about how we treat people might work.

[Guest terrydoo73]

That sounds logical and easy to implement. How wd u suggest deal with tell taling by other children ignore?

[AnonyMouse_41997]

Have pm you! I feel for you Terrydoo you might feel so isolated in ur role! Our social worker advised us a while ago to keep incident reports and get the parents to sign everytime so that if the parents try to say will I didn't know my child was hitting you can product a written record! I agree with Rea that attention should be focused on the child who has been hurt! However you and deputy need to be doing the same thing and you need to maintain that!

[AnonyMouse_41997]

You must feel very backed into a corner Terrydoo!

 

I'm not sure that the advice this lady has given you is particularly helpful when you look at the stages you have already been through with this child. Is she a qualified Early practitioner?

 

 

Where you asking if the registered social worker was an early years practitioner? She would be northern Ireland's version of ofsted! If I got the wrong end of the stick sorry it has been one long week! Not sure about the deputy!!

[AnonyMouse_15046]

Yes I was asking. I was wondering why a social worker was coming into a setting and doling out advice!

 

It makes sense now.

 

Thank you Sox

[Guest terrydoo73]

OK so I have been observing and recording every incident with this child in terms of behavioural difficulties. It has taken 2 pages just yesterday and today. I have tried where possible to see both a positive and negative but unfortunately just cannot at times. This child's parent told us last Friday that his older brother was leading up to having a seizure attack at home - he did have one at the weekend. My deputy spoke to the parent but unfortunately despite my requesting it she did not share all that was said by way of paper - I asked her again today to convey something of what was said and questioned if the parent was offering us advice how to deal with this child but no. I really think that we in fact know a bit too much about home life - is that possible?

 

Anyway I repeated to my Deputy that we need solid evidence that we are having difficuties ie observations to record these incidents and then bring the parents in to show the evidence. Thankfully we have been able to avoid any child being hurt so far but boy does it take a lot of work and both my deputy and myself feel that we are focusing so much on ensuring he is happy at Playgroup whilst the others are being left to get on with things. I had a stand off with him today - I warned him about throwing the water onto the floor but he continued - I asked him to ensure he used the mop which eventually he agreed to and then when it continued warned him that he would have to come out if this continued. He did continued watching us both all the time. I then said he had to come out and what followed was a stand off - he remained standing with the jug and apron on. I asked him several times to put the jug away and take off his apron. Eventually and I mean it was a good few minutes I took the apron off over his head and thankfully he did not protest. The result was he then decided to run and I mean run around and around the playroom for a good few minutes and our heart was in our mouth watching for a child to be thrown to one side in this session. He has such a fuse wire in him that gets so worked up and then all of a sudden just fizzles away. When it was time for snack and while in the bathroom waiting for a basin to become available for him to wash his hands he lay down on the floor and rolled and rolled. My Deputy simply ignored him and eventually he got up and washed his hands. He is very loud in his voice and we could see a child near him today jumping and really had a scared look on her face. I don't know where to take it yet but I know that if this continues for the rest of this week I am definately calling the parents in. I will be taking the view that yes home life does have a bearing on his behaviour with us but the parents whilst I understand have a full time with the older child really do need to see that this child is not getting the attention he really needs at home so is acting out with us with the result that I am terrified of the consequences for other children.

 

I have tried to give the other children voice in terms of not coming running to me with their tales of what he has done to them but rather turning around and telling this child what he has done. I think the idea of recording incidents where he has hit another child whether accidentally or on purpose is good too and will take this on board as it proves to the parents what the child is actually doing - yet another paper exercise but I guess all necessary in the circumstances.

 

On a positive note we tried a new method today with the story time. On advice from our Independent Early Years Advisor I have removed all cushions and placed additional chairs to give a small square that we can all sit together. This particular child did sit for a time although made the excuse of needing water before returning twice. Again I think it is all about the parents sitting down with him at home just to simply read a book and get him used to the idea that books are fun and interesting. Probably this method will all be back to square one tomorrow.

 

I am trying desperately to take the lead with my deputy but feel sometimes she needs to pull back and observe. He was having so much fun with the water today and it was horrible taking him away but if she had intervened he would have been out quicker than he went in. I have to say that she is starting to listen to me a bit more and I personally feel a bit more in control rather than just tagging along. I just wish I could get her away from talking to the parents in the hallway - it is of no use if there is no record of what was said and used as part of our planning process. Hard to teach someone new tricks as they say!