Thumb sucking

[AnonyMouse_41997]

Hi Sox

Glad that you have joined the 'debate' as you have far more knowledge of the 'set up' in NI..........

 

Happy to help if i can!

[SueFinanceManager]

Hi, I think the little lad sucking his thumb is just that a little lad and thumb sucking is his thing......however, in terms of explaining things to your deputy then maybe use the following as food for thought;

Transitional Objects

 

Winnicott became interested in the comforters that babies and toddlers often use. He observed that an infant initially found comfort in sucking their fingers or fists. Then they might begin to favour an object that is not part of themselves or the mother. Winnicott believed that this attachment to a special thing was the beginning of the baby understanding that they were separate from the mother: 'It is not the object itself, of course, that is transitional, it represents the infant's transition from a state of being merged with the mother to a state of being in relation to the mother as something outside and separate' (The Child and the Family, p.132). The role of bridging the gap between mother and baby makes the transitional object especially needed at times of anxiety, of being left without the mother, or when a baby is going to sleep.

 

Relevance to the EYFS

 

In 1957 Winnicott wrote that 'the nursery school is probably most correctly considered as an extension 'upward' of the family, rather than an extension 'downward' of the primary school' (The Child and the Outside World, p.14). This blossoming outwards of the early years continues to have relevance to today's practice, particularly in settings that provide care for babies and toddlers as well as preschool children. All of Winnicott's work underlines the great importance of the first months of life in a child's development and concentrates on a baby's first relationships, most notably with its mother. In the EYFS we can see the value of early bonding: 'Early relationships strongly influence how children develop and having close relationships with carers is very important' (card 1.1). In nursery settings this is facilitated by the Key Person arrangement. They provide the continuity of care, an understanding of each baby as an individual and the respect of familiar routines that Winnicott embodied in the term 'holding': 'A Key Person develops a genuine bond with children and offers a settled, close relationship' (card 2.4). Included in Personal, Social and Emotional Development we can find other links to Winnicott's theories of 'holding' and the 'mirror role'. Practitioners are reminded that 'babies seek to be looked at and approved of' and 'gain physical, psychological and emotional comfort from 'snuggling in' (EYFS guidance, p.27).

 

Transitional objects, or comforters, are not widely mentioned in the EYFS guidance, although settings are advised to keep them accessible to young children at all times (PSED, p.35). But Winnicott's emphasis on them as something that bridges the gap between mother and baby serves as a reminder to settings of how important they are to babies and toddlers and how they might help with settling a baby into a new environment. Winnicott observed that babies and children journeyed from dependence to independence with the support of 'good enough' care. The EYFS contains a similar understanding that from a secure and dependable base children can grow: 'Babies and children become independent by being able to depend upon adults for reassurance and comfort' (card 2.4). Practitioners provide this stable base and offer opportunities to extend from it just as Winnicott's 'ordinary devoted mother' might offer 'the world in small doses': 'Children benefit from a range of experiences, including those that are predictable, comforting and challenging' (card 3.2). These opportunities are facilitated through play. Winnicott's understanding of play as a physical and emotional place where reality and imagination meet is echoed in the EYFS where children bring real life experiences to the make believe world of play: 'In their play children use the experiences they have and extend them to build up ideas, concepts and skills' (card 4.1).

 

These pieces were taken from one of our FSF articles;

Donald Winnicott's Theories of Child Development: Their Relevance to Best Practice

[AnonyMouse_19762]

Sue - thank you for adding that post - that all makes really interesting reading.

 

I hope that at some point Terrydoo will return to this thread and let us know what is happening with this little one........

[Guest Spiral]

Hi there, I'm in my late 40's and still suck my thumb when I'm upset or worried - I even end up trying to do it in meetings when things are going a little wrong! it is primarily a comfort to do this and I can drift off into my own vacant world when I suck it.

 

However, my teeth are crooked and the roof of my mouth is high, also my thumb nail is smaller and deformed....I've always been in two minds about the debate on thumbs/dummies - at least you can throw a dummy away!

 

As for mother nature etc-I started sucking my thumb at age three and its got alot worse as an adult. I've always been very open about it. I can empathise with this little boy and know the 'vacant' place he drifts off to.

 

Don't know if this is helpful, hope so,

Spiral :-)

[Guest terrydoo73]

Our little boy continues to suck his thumb and despite my asking my Deputy to stop mentioning it she still does! Having said that I really do believe it is attention seeking. He will stand rooted to the spot - such determination and we have to move all the other children around him just because he does this - part of our ignoring factor. He also will listen to hear if another child needs the toilet and he will purposely go and sit on that toilet for an eternity - this is usually during snack time when we ask the children to go to the toilet and wash their hands and there are only 2 toilets available. He runs outside with the thumb in the mouth and the other hand twirling his hair - we are just waiting for him to trip and fall. The other thing he does - after we eventually get him to move out of the playroom to the cloakroom is he will start to hold onto the coat peg and jump off the floor. We are waiting for him to fall against the peg with his mouth. He is a real cry baby and if you listen carefully to his crying you realise that there is no emotion in it nor are there any tears. It all seems to us on reflection that he is looking for us to say not to do these things but we are trying very hard to say nothing and work around him praising the other children continually and talking about what we are going to do next ie hype it up so that he realises he is missing something.

[AnonyMouse_79]

I think you need to be looking at accessing help for him or another opinion rather than ignoring all this and hoping it will go away or stop. Are you in a position to do that?

[AnonyMouse_41997]

Our little boy continues to suck his thumb and despite my asking my Deputy to stop mentioning it she still does! Having said that I really do believe it is attention seeking. He will stand rooted to the spot - such determination and we have to move all the other children around him just because he does this - part of our ignoring factor. He also will listen to hear if another child needs the toilet and he will purposely go and sit on that toilet for an eternity - this is usually during snack time when we ask the children to go to the toilet and wash their hands and there are only 2 toilets available. He runs outside with the thumb in the mouth and the other hand twirling his hair - we are just waiting for him to trip and fall. The other thing he does - after we eventually get him to move out of the playroom to the cloakroom is he will start to hold onto the coat peg and jump off the floor. We are waiting for him to fall against the peg with his mouth. He is a real cry baby and if you listen carefully to his crying you realise that there is no emotion in it nor are there any tears. It all seems to us on reflection that he is looking for us to say not to do these things but we are trying very hard to say nothing and work around him praising the other children continually and talking about what we are going to do next ie hype it up so that he realises he is missing something.

 

Does he sense the negativity? I didn't read anything in ur post about the positive stuff he does! How about focusing on the positives for a while, Is his attention seeking behaviour (ur words not mine) the only way he can get the attention he craves?

Edited November 13, 2012 by Sox

[AnonyMouse_8466]

So what has led you to change your mind about the thumb sucking and twiddling Terrydoo? In a previous post you said you didn't personally see this as being a problem, and that you didn't perceive it as attention seeking behaviour. You're saying now that it is definitely attention seeking and I think it is important to think about what has happened to change your opinion.

 

I can detect that things have moved on for this little boy. In your first post you said that he had to be taken to the toilet to 'catch him unawares' and now you say that he is going there voluntarily. As for sitting there for a long time, have you checked with his parents to see if he is constipated?

 

In a previous post you said he would use the thumb sucking and hair twiddling to avoid going outside, and now you are reporting that he has started to run around outside. Even if he has his thumb in his mouth as he does so, this is a clear improvement - he is engaging more readily with what is on offer in your setting.

 

I think it is important when children are engaging in truly risky behaviour that we help them to assess and manage their own risk. If you're worried about him hurting himself on the coat peg, can you find some way of providing an experience which offers a similar sensory input? I would definitely warn him that if he continues to do something with his thumb in his mouth he is likely to hurt himself, in much the same way that Upsy talked about asking a child to remove their thumb/dummy when talking. It is part of your duty to keep the children safe, after all. Then, if he carries on and does hurt himself you can spend time talking to him (after you have soothed his tears and tended sensitively to his injuries) about why he hurt himself. Sometimes children need to experience the results of their actions before they can truly understand what we adults are worried about.

 

I'd speak to his parents, explain what you have observed (both with the coat peg and running around with his thumb in his mouth), share your worries with them about the risk of injury and explain the conversations you have had with their son about why you are worried that he will hurt himself. Then if he does injure himself as you fear, you will be able to remind them of your previous conversation and they can support you in helping their little boy to cope with the aftermath and hopefully make it less likely to happen again.

 

Ultimately children communicate with us through their behaviour - often this is the only method they have. If you believe it is attention seeking behaviour, in spite of the wealth of experience shared with you in this thread that points to a contrary opinion, then ask yourself why this child isn't getting the attention he needs. If you work that out maybe you'll be able to understand what this little chap is trying to tell you and you can identify what adaptions you need to make within your setting to help him feel safe and secure.

 

No doubt you have lots of observations on this little boy, and many recorded conversations with his parents about his progress so you have hard evidence of all the difficulties you perceive with his behaviour and lack of engagement. Your posts reveal that you feel there is an escalating 'problem' (I hate to use that word about children but I'm struggling to find the right one) and if you feel that your setting is currently unable to support this child effectively then you must now use these observations to obtain support from outside agencies. If those services aren't available readily to settings in your location, then you should support his parents to seek this support on his behalf by talking to their GP and asking for a referral to other professionals or agencies.

 

In the meantime, examine your team's attitudes to see what they reveal about your approach to this child. Labelling a child as a 'cry baby' is not the most helpful way of supporting him because it suggests your collective tolerance levels are low before you come into contact with him. This will impact on your ability to react sensitively and appropriately whenever he is upset or in need of emotional support because you start off from the basis that there is nothing to be upset about.

 

Sorry to have gone on at length about this - as you can probably tell it is an issue very close to my heart.

[AnonyMouse_1195]

I can only support what Happymaz has said. We are the adults, young children are vulnerable and reliant on us for their self- esteem and support, and more so if they have problems. As professionals it is our job to provide help for them to become confident and independent individuals. Here we are discussing a very young child who is totally dependent on the knowledge and maturity of the adults who care for him. Every step should be taken to help this child, and labelling such a child as a 'cry baby' suggests to me that the staff have reached the end of their tether and are no longer coping. As there are serious concerns about him I think it is time to call in someone who can support the setting and his family. I've no idea now fhe system works in NI but presume there is someone within the Local Authority repsonisble for young children who have extra support needs and now is the time to call for their help.

[AnonyMouse_1469]

Our little boy continues to suck his thumb and despite my asking my Deputy to stop mentioning it she still does! Having said that I really do believe it is attention seeking. He will stand rooted to the spot - such determination and we have to move all the other children around him just because he does this - part of our ignoring factor. He also will listen to hear if another child needs the toilet and he will purposely go and sit on that toilet for an eternity - this is usually during snack time when we ask the children to go to the toilet and wash their hands and there are only 2 toilets available. He runs outside with the thumb in the mouth and the other hand twirling his hair - we are just waiting for him to trip and fall. The other thing he does - after we eventually get him to move out of the playroom to the cloakroom is he will start to hold onto the coat peg and jump off the floor. We are waiting for him to fall against the peg with his mouth. He is a real cry baby and if you listen carefully to his crying you realise that there is no emotion in it nor are there any tears. It all seems to us on reflection that he is looking for us to say not to do these things but we are trying very hard to say nothing and work around him praising the other children continually and talking about what we are going to do next ie hype it up so that he realises he is missing something.

 

 

I'm truly sorry to say this.................but your post is simply full of the negatives you feel about this child.Not one positive thing and there MUST be positive things to say about him. You mention praising the other children around him.............and waiting for him to fall and hurt himself etc. You complain that he goes to the toilet, yet say that you have asked all children to go to the toilet and then wash their hands, so surely he is only doing what you have asked? How does his sitting there become a nuisance, if you have two toilets?? I have a couple of children who will sit until they have 'performed', because that is what their parents have trained them to do; maybe he is the same? What sort of things do you praise him for?? Where is his encouragement to join in and to be happy?? I'm sorry to sound so negative myself, but i feel so sorry for this child. What started out as a thumb sucking 'issue' ( I'm still baffled as to why that's a problem?) has turned into a very negative image of this little boy, who sounds like he can't do right for doing wrong :huh:

[AnonyMouse_15046]

We are the adults, young children are vulnerable and reliant on us for their self- esteem and support, and more so if they have problems.

 

This is the bit I find really concerning about this thread, Terrydoo.

 

How you and your colleagues, think about and respond to this child will become a big part of how he perceives himself. We are the mirror in which these children see themselves and it is on these images gleaned from others that they build their self esteem.

 

What is this little boy seeing in the mirror that is you and your colleagues?

[AnonyMouse_3139]

Terrydoo, I've been helping at playgroup for the last two days, its been ages since I spent so much time with our little people and to be honest it wore me out.

One little girl who's been with us for a few weeks, cried all morning. One hand in her mouth, the other gripping her bag from home which has photos of mom and family in it. The noise was awful, you know that really high pitched wail?

But the whole time she was there she was seen as a child who is unsettled, who needs more kindness and more support at the moment than the other children so she will be able to engage with the activities and the people around her.

Not for one minute did anyone suggest she was attention seeking except from the angle that at the moment she does need more attention than the other children. She needs an adult by her side, she needs to know someone is there just for her. The only time she stopped was when the adult she'd taken to today reminded her she didnt need to cry because 'we're going in the garden', 'we're making the bird feeder' or 'we're having snack now'. She would stop for minutes at a time but then start again. No doubt she will come round like most children do but then again, she might not. My eldest son never got used to being without me, screaming every session until an adult had him fully engaged in something. The staff were always fab with him and I always made sure when I worked with other peoples children to treat them exactly how I would want mine treated.

Your little chap needs light hearted chatter about the activities around him, if he doesnt want to engage, that's fine, childhood isnt a race. If he needs more attention right now, why should it be a problem?

I hope you can all find a solution to the problems you see and can help him achieve independence. :1b

[Guest terrydoo73]

Doing lot thinking and spent time with child myself today. Deputy said he was loving 1to1 i was giving him and told him to his face she wd put him in nappies if he continued to suck - cringe.

 

Have realised i dont stand up and challenge her more y because am scared of her. She has v strong opinions on things and as she did training in playgroup and i in childminding does this make her more qualified? I am trying to take lead and engage more with children then i.am told not to be focusing on individuals by her ie her key children. What do i do to be right.

 

Dont think is attention seeking but convincing her of that is another thing. Child is defiant but we nd methods to work around that.

[AnonyMouse_15046]

In my opinion that one incident calls for disciplinary action.

 

If you don't feel able to commence that yourself you need to get someone to support you and you need to do that today.

 

I don't know the set-up where you are. Who would it be appropriate for you to call in?

 

I also think you need to inform his parents of what was said to him and how you are responding to it and complete an incident report.

Edited November 14, 2012 by Upsy Daisy

[AnonyMouse_19782]

Terrydo, regardless where you did your training you are the person who has been engaged to run the group, you have your natural instincts aside from anything else, everything is telling you your deputy is out of order - you must have the conviction to put her in her place. If she walks out and you are left with no staff, your committee will have to rally round and help, or get off their b*** and find you someone you can work with who knows their stuff

[AnonyMouse_15046]

I should just add that I did much of my training as a childminder but that doesn't mean we know any less than the people experienced in group settings. The experience may be slightly different but it is just as valid.

 

You are the manager and, as such, you are responsible for the practice in your setting. When you know something is wrong you must act appropriately to change it. Someone employed you to do the job because they felt that you were the best person to do it. Now you need to step up to the mark and manage your deputy before she does anything else like this.

[AnonyMouse_3139]

told him to his face she wd put him in nappies if he continued to suck - cringe.

 

 

Good grief Terrydoo, I had a sharp intake of breath and sat open mouthed at that. How dare she!!!!?? I feel fury that she would say something like that . :angry:

I hope you can find support in this, from someone, can you speak to your committee? Do you hold appraisals so you can talk to her about her practice?

Its nothing to do with what area you trained in, respect and understanding for the child arent taught, they're felt. Dont doubt yourself on that level please.

 

 

Are there no prisons nearby that require a new member of staff? I'm sure she'd suit

[AnonyMouse_8466]

Terrydoo you have to ask yourself some serious questions now.

 

Do you believe what your deputy has said to this child today is an appropriate response to his needs?

 

If you don't then you need to take action to prevent her taking this and similar approaches towards the children in your care. You are the leader of this setting and it is your responsibility to ensure every practitioner is suitable to work with children and are capable of meeting their needs. If you don't agree with what she has said to this little boy but do nothing then you are sending out a very clear message to others who work alongside you in your setting - that this is an appropriate way to deal with the 'problem' you perceive with this child. If this happens you will never rid your setting of this culture which tells children that their needs are unimportant and that they can't rely upon the adults to support them effectively. You will be condoning these behaviours and attitudes that you claim to disagree with.

 

If you feel what she has done is inappropriate but aren't brave enough to tackle her over this behaviour on behalf of the child then you should seriously consider whether you have the skills you need to manage an early years setting. Children's welfare should be at the front of your mind at all times and that sometimes means you have to step out of your personal comfort zone and take action that is difficult and personally challenging. If you are not willing to do this then your setting needs someone at the helm who is.

 

If you need a more personal motivation to stand up to your deputy now, consider what will happen if this little boy goes home and tells his parents what was said to him today. They may make an official complaint and then it will be up to you to explain why you allowed this to happen and why you have not challenged this inappropriate behaviour. In short, since you are in charge you are likely to be held responsible for any inappropriate practice in your setting, especially as it takes place in your presence. I'm not sure who inspects early years settings in Northern Ireland but as one who has had a complaint made to Ofsted against them, I can tell you that it is difficult to cope with even if you know 100% that you did everything you should have.

 

This might have been brutal in approach and difficult for you to read. However we show our true attitudes and strength of character in moments of crisis. You are at this point now and it is time for you to make a decision about the kind of practitioner you are, and take appropriate action. If you cannot stand up to issues of this kind then I have real concerns at your ability to effectively safeguard the children in your care.

 

This little boy is relying on you now to keep him safe both physically and emotionally. I hope with all my heart that you will do just that.

[AnonyMouse_19762]

Doing lot thinking and spent time with child myself today. Deputy said he was loving 1to1 i was giving him and told him to his face she wd put him in nappies if he continued to suck - cringe.

 

Have realised i dont stand up and challenge her more y because am scared of her. She has v strong opinions on things and as she did training in playgroup and i in childminding does this make her more qualified? I am trying to take lead and engage more with children then i.am told not to be focusing on individuals by her ie her key children. What do i do to be right.

 

Dont think is attention seeking but convincing her of that is another thing. Child is defiant but we nd methods to work around that.

 

Terrydoo - I had told myself that I wouldn't comment in this thread again........but this latest news is surely a step too far - I am, of course referring to the 'nappies' remark - this is cruel and unkind - nothing less - completely unacceptable.......

 

I don't care how or where she trained - where is her human kindness - she is bullying this poor child and it seems that she is bullying you too.

 

I was about to apologise if I have caused any offence - but actually - no I'm not sorry - I don't want to hurt or offend you personally but and it's a huge but - you must take charge of this situation........

 

On a positive note I am delighted that you have spent time with this boy today - how did he respond to this?

 

Crossed posts with Maz........

Edited November 14, 2012 by sunnyday

[Guest terrydoo73]

I talked with my immediate boss who unfortunately has no experience in childcare but loads of experience of people. He understands my Deputy who says things as they are. I didn't mention the incident specifically but referred to the fact that I felt it may possibly lead to a complaint by the parents - thankfully it hasn't so far. He stated that whatever action I decided to take he would stand by my decision.

 

I did approach my Deputy and pointed out to her that the child is feeding of our negativity. He said no to snack the very next day and my Deputy took the attitude that he should come regardless of what he said. The child came back to the room having gone to the toilet and refused to wash his hands before snack - so in effect the child got his way in returning to the Playroom which is where he wanted to be and not out to snack.

 

I do think though that this child has an attitude of doing it my way not yours. We have seen this with his dad - trailing his feet when dad takes his hand and asks him to walk beside him for safety out of the Playgroup. The child actually ended up on the floor on his bottom with dad dragging him, then stopping him and asking him to stand up and walk. The child eventually did but with much crying and screaming.

 

The more my Deputy tells him not to suck the more he continues to do it. Personally having spent a few days with him and engaging with him I really think he is craving for that attention which unfortunately she is not prepared to give as he has wound her up something awful. She is his key worker and as such should be connecting with him. It is a question for me of how to tactfully put these points across to her and her totally disagreeing with me and telling me in no uncertain terms that I am wrong in my opinion and she will continue to do it her way and she will very much so! She has a strong personality and I know there are personal issues going on at home so am trying desperately to demonstrate to her by practical means what the work is about - my method is engaging with children as much as possible. However she tends to point out that when I am left with one child in the group that I am giving him or her too much one to one when I think personally that this is acceptable as each child sometimes does need that one to one.

[AnonyMouse_35585]

She is his key worker and as such should be connecting with him.

 

Could you possibly change his key person? We did this with a couple of our children as they developed a better relationship with another member of staff.

[Guest pamgreen]

I find this extremely worrying, you must have a safeguarding policy this is a safeguarding issue. I am sorry if this is very strong but someone needs to look out for this little guy. Your immediate boss should act someone needs to whistleblow on your deputy, you have a duty of care to safeguard this child. I no this can be extremely uncomfortable for you but this negative cycle has got to stop. I do not want you to get upset by this post but please please act and protect this child.

[AnonyMouse_8466]

I have invested a lot of time, thought and emotion into this thread terrydoo73 and as it has progressed I have become more and more concerned with this little boy's welfare and emotional wellbeing. I wonder why you are talking about 'tactfully' putting your point to your deputy, even in the face of what she has threatened to do to this child if he doesn't stop doing something that is completely natural for him. Your words say you find this inappropriate, yet your actions give tacit approval and the red light to carry on.

 

Several of us have begged with you to take action to take responsibility and safeguard this child effectively, yet you show no sign of taking our advice and entreaties on board and standing up for a child who so badly needs your support. I am greatly troubled that you have not reported the incident in full both to your boss and to the safeguarding authorities, and that your only concern seems to be that a complaint might be made against you.

 

You haven't addressed any of our concerns directly - you haven't countered any of our posts by offering a reasoned argument as to why our concerns are unfounded and why you have decided to take no action. You have asked us all for our opinion and support, yet you seem unwilling or unable to consider that opinion or to act of any of the very direct advice you have been given by some very thoughtful, reflective and experienced practitioners who care so deeply for the wellbeing of the children in your setting.

 

If your deputy can get away with bullying this child in this way, what else is she getting away with - how inappropriate does her treatment of the children in your setting have to be before something is done about it? At what point will you stop giving her behaviour your personal seal of approval and take action to protect the children in your care?

 

Please don't leave it another day.

[AnonyMouse_1469]

I couldn't have put it better myself. My response was much blunter than Happymaz's and has now been deleted.

My concerns, however, are ongoing and remain very troubling. You MUST deal with this and now. When you spoke to your boss, why on earth didn't you tell him the whole story?? As Happy maz says, by holding back on things/information, you are complicit in what is going on. You are supporting your deputy and most definately not the child. Frankly, I don't care how frightened you are of your bullying deputy. I'd be a darned sight more worried about parent's reactions if and when ( because it's only a matter of time before a child reports back what has been said to them, you must see that???)they find out. You won't be able to hide behind your boss, or statements like 'i'm frightened of her'. If YOU are 'frightened', think how the children must feel???? Don't be a coward any longer. Stand up for the children and get this sorted, even if means that ultimately you find yourself looking for a new job. At least you will have done, at last, what you should have done a long, long time ago. I'd hate to be a child in your setting........even more,I'd hate to HAVE a child in it.

 

(And no, I'm not deleting this one!)

Edited November 17, 2012 by narnia

[AnonyMouse_15046]

Terrydoo, the descriptions you have given of what occurs in your setting have been concerning me for some time.

 

You are employed to manage this setting. That means you are personally responsible for ensuring that these children are cared for in a positive, supportive environment and given high quality resources which enable them to learn through play and human interaction.

 

The most important resources in your setting are the people. It is your responsibility to ensure that those people are behaving appropriately, nurturing the children, developing positive relationships and looking for ways to support their learning. How many people in your setting can be described as doing this?

 

What would a hidden camera in your setting expose? Would you feel comfortable for parents to be watching the interactions between the staff and the children? Include your own interactions in that reflection. If not, you should not be accepting children into your care.

 

There is no other way to look at this. What is happening in the setting you manage is unacceptable. It has been described on this thread as cruel, unkind, unacceptable, bullying and a safeguarding issue and those words have gone unchallenged. The fact that this behaviour is continuing in the setting is your responsibility. You are allowing it to happen and there is no acceptable excuse for that.

 

There is no place in Early Years setting for people who treat children in the ways you have described. What is happening is not blunt speaking, it is threatening behaviour and you need to address it regardless of your own fears.

 

I have to wonder if the reason you feel unable to challenge your deputy is that you have indulged in similar behaviour yourself. Maybe this is why you are finding it hard to challenge it in others.

 

Whatever the reason, the one overriding priority must be the welfare of the children. In my heart of hearts I now believe that continuing to attend your setting with its current ethos is not in the best interests of the children in your care.

 

You are clearly not able to make the changes necessary to safeguard the children. You need help. Your boss has told you he will back you up yet that was not enough to give you the confidence to do your job.

You now need to meet your boss again, preferably over this weekend and give a full and frank account of what it going on. Show him this thread if necessary so that he can see how many experienced senior practitioners are of the opinion that this is seriously unacceptable. You must then, together, decide how to move forward taking decisive action to make significant changes. If you need outside support then get it organised first thing Monday morning. I would strongly advise you to do this.

 

In the meantime consider seriously whether your setting should open next week in its current format.

If you choose to continue to ignore the advice you have received here and take the line of least resistance, as you are now, you will be personally accountable when the situation comes to light. How will you feel then telling people that you have conspired with this dreadful treatment of children because you were afraid to challenge a more junior member of staff?

 

If you have not yet done so you need to tell the parents of the child who sucks his thumb what was said to him so that they can offer him appropriate reassurance at home. How can they understand and support him of they do not know what has been said to him? It won’t be easy but it needs to be done before they discover it themselves.

Edited November 17, 2012 by Upsy Daisy

[Steve]

I think everything that has been said on this topic has been said now, and I've taken the decision to close the topic. Terrydoo73 has received a lot of very well articulated advice from professionals with huge experience in early years, and it is now up to her to decide what to do. Hopefully she will be able to take action based on this advice, and we will be in touch with her to see how things are going.