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Teenage daughters! Help!


AnonyMouse_11653

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My fifteen (16 next month) daughter has asked to meet an 18 year old boy she has met through bbm (blackberry messenger), she speaks to him on facebook and skype as well. They were planning on meeting at a shopping centre which is a train journey from where we live.

We haven't met the lad and know nothing about him, he doesn't live that local to us. We have said no unless she takes someone with her, either here sister or a friend.

She doesn't want to take anyone so we are now not talking, I've been accused of treating her like one of my Pre-School children!!

So did we do the right thing? Part of me thinks yes the other part thinks we may be setting ourselves up for a fall as up till now she has always been honest with us, told us where she is going, who with etc.

So at 16 (nearly) should we let her go? Boy do I wish they were 3 again!!

 

Kris

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Always a dilemma this - having two daughters aged 19 and 22 been there ! As she has seen him on Skype/Facebook etc. at least you know he is an 18 year old - not an older guy who is 'grooming' . The fact she has told you and been honest about it is another plus point, and they are meeting in a public place, again a plus. Maybe try and talk to her again, explain why you are so anxious (maybe find the newspaper article for her to see about the girl a while back who went off to meet a guy she met on the Net and ended up dead in a field) get as much information from her as you can about this lad - name - address etc. and set firm rules about time she arrives/gets home/ maybe suggest that somebody picks her up at the allotted time, and I'm sure all will be ok. If you come down too hard as you said , the risk is she will go behind your back and that's a much more dangerous scenario.

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well, at least she told you about it..............more than some teenagers would do. I think you're right though to be cautious, he might actually BE 18, but equally he could be something altogether nastier, plenty of young people have done terrible things, But, you have to grant her some freedom, so how about the lad comes to visit your daughter nearer to home..............why can't he come to your neck of the woods?? If he's genuine, I can't see why he wouldn't do that. That way, you might feel a bit happier about it? I hope it all goes well..........

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Well we have made the decision to let her go, just dropped her at train station :( . My other daughter also speaks to him on skype and I have been assured that his 10 year old brother is also going with him shopping.

Really hard decision but in a year's time she will be driving and at college so we won't have a clue who she is meeting and where she is going!! Really don't want her going behind our back so have given her strict timelines and she also has to let us know when she arrives and when she is leaving. They are meeting at Westfield, Stratford so plenty of people around. Oh the joys of parenthood!!

 

Kris

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Hi everyone,

 

Well she arrived home safe and sound, he paid for lunch and bowling, ah bless, hubby cleaning shotgun as we speak xD.

All's well now until the next time when no doubt i will be back on here looking for words of wisdom!!

I have been trying to add a reply but keep getting a green box with 3 flashing lights? Not sure what's going on there!

 

Kris

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Hi everyone,

 

Well she arrived home safe and sound, he paid for lunch and bowling, ah bless, hubby cleaning shotgun as we speak xD.

All's well now until the next time when no doubt i will be back on here looking for words of wisdom!!

I have been trying to add a reply but keep getting a green box with 3 flashing lights? Not sure what's going on there!

 

Kris

 

Phew! That's great news :1b

 

These are the sort of 'issues' that make me fairly pleased that I only had boys :1b not that they are exactly 'stress free' :blink: xD

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As mum to a 15 year old daughter I empathise....thankfully she is less adventurous as some of her contemporaries at the moment....my 18 year old son is the one that has always wanted to get out into the big wide world and it is just as worrying :(

 

I often take tips from friends with older children than mine and my friend always used her daughters urge to go out with friends as an excuse to go out themselves. So if the daughter wanted to go into town they would take her and then arrange a meet up point and time and they would go off and see a film or have some lunch/supper and then they were in town if the daughter had a problem and they felt happier as they were not sitting at home stressing! I know that is not always an option but works well if you can wangle it.

 

I do think it is a great credit to you all that she did come and ask and not just say she was meeting girl friends in town. Perhaps she was feeling a bit nervous about things and so wanted you to know.

 

I think it is tough.....my daughter is not remotely interested in boys her age as apparently they are all so immature xD However she likes my sons mates who come and go (mind you one is a model with the elite model agency.....I like it when he comes to the house too and that is wrong on sooooo many levels) so I can understand your daughter looking to someone older.

 

Keep talking and supporting her......wish I had the answer as to how you stop worrying.....if you work that out do let me know.

 

Big hugs

Sue x

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was worried as this is the first year that my nearly 18 year old wants to celebrate new year, but instead of going out he has paid for my husband and I to go to a function so that he can invite 4 mates round for pizza, cider, xbox and in the hot tub to see in the new year. no need to worry after all

Edited by max321
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