What would you advise?

[AnonyMouse_8466]

Okay so here's the scenario. Separated parents, and they have two children aged 8 and 5. Oldest boy is allowed unmonitored time on YouTube, and to watch movies and play video games which are inappropriate for his age. Recently he asked what the 'c' word meant - turned out he'd heard it on something called a 'rap battle' on YouTube.

My friend is concerned about this, having played one of the games - Grand Theft Auto - and was upset by the violence portrayed and the general attitude towards women, but isn't sure what to do about it.

I signposted to ParentLine, and the suggestion has been to talk to the child's school about it - but I wonder what his teacher could/would actually do if there are no concerns about his progress or general wellbeing?

If you were me, what would you advise?

 

[AnonyMouse_19782]

I would speak frankly to the child. I would explain about these websites and games I would show him that he needs to be a certain age to participate and why. I would do my best to show that I understand why he wants to do these games, it is after all one way of escaping/coping with the world he now finds himself living in, but that he must find an inner strength to fight for something better even if that means he asks the other parent to do other things with him and his sibling which don't involve the iPad or computer.

 

As the more responsible parent I would do what was in my power to give him an 8 year old's life, I would include him in decision making processes, I would ask him for his advice on all sorts of things, I would join some self help group which has more ideal mentors, introduce the boy to scouts maybe, sports club. Make sure he took plenty of other stuff to do when visiting other parent.

 

I wouldn't run down the other parent in front of them, I would just show by my actions which parenting style was more fun and gave more positive attention to him.

 

A lot of hard work for your friend and worry.

[AnonyMouse_11396]

Crumbs this is a difficult one. When we had a child in Pre-school that was showing violence in his mark-making, we discussed it with the parents. I was informed nanny and grandad played scary games with him when he visited their home.( Goodness knows why).I went on one of the games and it certainly wasn't an appropriate game for a three year old.

After our discussion he was not allowed to play/watch them anymore.

Think the school route would be my first thought, or parent line as you have already mentioned.

[AnonyMouse_19762]

Sound advice there from Panders........

I take the two parents have had a discussion about this?

[AnonyMouse_8466]

Sound advice there from Panders........

I take the two parents have had a discussion about this?

Yes, although my friend isn't sure that anything will actually be done, despite assurances. Sometimes it is easier to indulge a child rather than risk upsetting them, especially if deep down you don't see what the problem is. This is a tricky situation when parents are together in the same house bringing the child up, but throw separation into the mix and things become more difficult.

[AnonyMouse_79]

I cant see how involving the school will help. They are probably aware that this child plays age inappropriate games etc and I expect some of his peers do likewise.

[AnonyMouse_9650]

I really don't have much by way of advice to offer - it's so sad when parents can't work together for the sake of the children - whatever their differences.

I don't know if these links will help - the first one is a snapshot of what is legal

http://file:///C:/Users/Sue%20Pink%20Toshiba/Downloads/Is-it-legal_-guide-Accessible.pdf

The second is about age ratings on games and why they are there (and GTA is a game for over 18s)

http://www.askaboutgames.com/

[AnonyMouse_8466]

 

http://file:///C:/Users/Sue%20Pink%20Toshiba/Downloads/Is-it-legal_-guide-Accessible.pdf

Thanks SueJ, but Virgin doesn't like this link for some reason! :huh:

[AnonyMouse_19782]

Oh Maz! they are all still living together! Finances I suspect dictating this? Decoupled mum and dad try mediation services? THen at least both may get to put up their own reasons for and against letting him see and play these things and come to some arrangement. The children could then at least see that their parents are working for them

[AnonyMouse_8466]

Oh Maz! they are all still living together!

No Panders, just clumsy phrasing on my part - sorry! Parents are separated - if they were in the same house together it would be easier to control, but you can never hope to control what goes on in the other parent's house, can you?

[AnonyMouse_19762]

Yes, although my friend isn't sure that anything will actually be done, despite assurances. Sometimes it is easier to indulge a child rather than risk upsetting them, especially if deep down you don't see what the problem is. This is a tricky situation when parents are together in the same house bringing the child up, but throw separation into the mix and things become more difficult.

It's hugely difficult I know - I asked the question because that's the only way that I can see this 'situation' being resolved really.

That said, I would, as per Panders advice be speaking to the little boy as well.......

I really hope your friend does make some headway with this - frankly it 'terrifies' me what our young children are able to view and/or participate in

it was hard enough for parents when there was just one main computer in the house but now with all the various phones, tablets it must be a complete nightmare - I worry about my grandchildren on this score - especially my twelve year old granddaughter - I was looking at a photo on her phone just this week - I 'swiped' it as I assumed (wrongly) that there would be more photos - next on screen was a rather 'unpleasant' message - she assured me "it's only a joke, nana, that's from one of my friends"..........

I do know that both of my sons and my daughters in law regularly check phones, laptops, ipads etc etc to see just what they have been up to - but I don't know how 'foolproof' that is........

[AnonyMouse_15046]

I think I would talk to the school, if only to let them know where he is seeing these things. That way if he does start saying or doing anything inappropriate in school they know where to direct their concerns.She can also ask them to keep a record of any concerns in case she begins to feel that he is seeing very inappropriate content and this becomes a bigger battle involving the courts in the future.

In the meantime she could also keep a diary herself of conversations and behaviour of concern. She could share it with the child if appropriate to demonstrate the effect of his viewing on his behaviour.

[AnonyMouse_11396]

Although I appreciate this is an activity outside of a school environment, I do feel a school could possibly explore through class discussions on appropriate language, games etc, the same as discussing the safety of social media sites.

That said the responsibility still lies with the parents and bringing them onboard is key.

I think Panders suggestion in talking directly to the children is a good idea too, given their age.

[AnonyMouse_9650]

Thanks SueJ, but Virgin doesn't like this link for some reason! :huh:

Sorry that the link isn't working I have uploaded the pdf instead

 

Is-it-legal_-guide-Accessible.pdf

[AnonyMouse_8466]

Sorry that the link isn't working I have uploaded the pdf instead

 

Is-it-legal_-guide-Accessible.pdf

Thanks! My students will find this interesting, too! :1b

[AnonyMouse_19762]

Sorry that the link isn't working I have uploaded the pdf instead

 

Is-it-legal_-guide-Accessible.pdf

Because I have this 'need to know' - some may call it being plain nosy I downloaded too - what a useful document - thank you for that Sue :1b

[AnonyMouse_11396]

Thank you Sue very interesting.

[AnonyMouse_9650]

Because I have this 'need to know' - some may call it being plain nosy I downloaded too - what a useful document - thank you for that Sue :1b

That's fine

[AnonyMouse_19762]

That's fine

[AnonyMouse_19782]

Brilliant doc Sue, many thanks, hope it wasn't a problem putting it on!

[AnonyMouse_9650]

It was no problem Panders - however it should be noted that this is the 4th edition and to the best of my knowledge the most up to date version - it is another document that needs to be checked whenever legislation changes.